


new rules

by honeysugaboy



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Adorable Huening Kai, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Angst and Drama, Blood and Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Ghoul Choi Yeonjun, Heavy Angst, Human Choi Soobin, Inspired by Tokyo Ghoul, M/M, Minor Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Sad Choi Yeonjun, couldn't wait anymore bfnj
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeysugaboy/pseuds/honeysugaboy
Summary: choi yeonjun always knew that he would die young. but he never thought it would be for a human.orwhen choi soobin oversteps a boundary, he gets roped into a world he'd been taught to fear.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun & Choi Soobin, choi yeonjun/choi soobin
Comments: 131
Kudos: 217





	1. knockout

Soobin weakly swats Kai’s hand away from the chili paste, “Yahh! You know I can’t handle that stuff,” he pouts, stuffing another piece of fishcake in his mouth. 

Kai rolls his eyes, continuing to place his chopsticks in the small container, “It’s too salty. It needs something else-”

“If you do it, you’re buying dinner next time,” Soobin warns and the younger just scoops his chopsticks in deeper, dumping a hefty amount of chili paste into their shared take out box, “Asshole.”

Kai giggles at the comment, swirling the paste around further, “Speaking of assholes, did you get any over the break?”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Soobin dryly replies, “Not that it’s any of your information, but I did.”

“Oh yeah? What was their name?”

“Uh...” Soobin scrambles to think of a name, any name, “Seonghwa? Yeah, Park Seonghwa.”

“Let me guess: he’s an idol?”

“Shut up and eat, brat.”

The rest of their study break is spent gossiping about Soobin’s failed Tinder matches, summer school crushes and Kai’s summer vacation to Jeju. Much to his surprise, Soobin missed the younger over break. He’d gotten so used to his constant company that when he found out Kai would be gone the entire summer, he nearly begged him to stay.

“Wanna help pick my outfit?” Soobin asks, pushing his t-shirts deeper into the closet to try and find his long sleeves. 

A group of coworkers invited Soobin to a popular karaoke bar in town, saying it was the best way to kick off the first semester of his junior year. He had politely declined about 20 times, but his favorite coworker Mina promised to buy him tteokbokki and the rest is history. Now the only thing that's left to do is to wear something that screams ‘I’m single and cute, _please_ ask me out’ which Soobin has learned is not his specialty.

Kai replies, focused on his laptop, “Y'all are gonna be drunk. No one will even care about what you’re wearing.”

“You don’t know that,” Soobin counters, pulling a plaid flannel from its hanger and lifting it to his body. He goes into his bathroom, peeking at the mirror, fingers raking through his messy bangs, “That cute guy from the boba shop could be there.”

“You think every guy at the boba shop is cute.”

“Okay, your point?”

It’s a typical Friday night for the pair; a schedule they created last semester, mainly consisting of them linking up after classes and stocking up on snacks at the convenience store and take out from the small shop a few blocks away. They usually go to Soobin’s place to chill afterwards, spending the remainder of the night watching anime or talking about nothing at all.

Soobin’s apartment itself isn’t very flashy, just a studio big enough to fit a Ikea table with two fold out chairs and his mattress. His kitchen is cramped off to one side, stove, fridge and microwave all in a line, with about a foot of counter space and two cabinets for storage. His bathroom is a little box of a wet room, having no actual walls or raised edges for a tub and only one drawer to store his things. His closet is a wardrobe that he has to yank open every time because it’s doors are uneven and his winter shoes are shoved at the bottom of it to keep his entry way from being overly cluttered. The color scheme is a lackluster mix of dull grays with the only pops of color being the plushies Kai has given him. 

It’s not the most spacious set up imaginable, but it's free from the university and better than anything that Soobin could have attempted to get himself. It actually might be the only perk of aging out of the foster care system.

“That’s ugly,” Kai says from his view at the table and Soobin pokes his head out of the bathroom to glare at him. “What? It is!”

“Well then, what should I wear?”

“Something casual,” the younger waves his hand dismissively, attention drifting back to his computer. “What about that weird black shirt with the green ring you bought when I told you not to?”

“It’s not weird,” Soobin bites back but goes to his closet to find the shirt in question.

“And the camo cargos that you have, the pair with the chains on them.”

“Isn’t that too dark? I’m trying to attract someone, not blend into the walls.”

“Looking mysterious is what attracts people.”

Deciding to not dispute the cliché statement, Soobin then points to his hair, “What about this? Straighten it?”

“Eh, just wear a hat or something.”

Soobin diligently searches for the items Kai suggests, changing into them quickly, before stepping back into the bathroom to survey his outfit in the mirror, "Huh... I’m impressed yet again.”

“Was that a compliment-”

“Wanna come with?” Soobin goes back into his wardrobe, reaching to the top shelf to grab his white cap.

Kai’s typing stalls for a moment before resuming, albeit slower than it was previously, “Not tonight, hyung. You know how my roommates are.”

The statement isn’t entirely incorrect, but it isn’t like Soobin knows much to begin with. Early in their friendship, Kai made it clear that his living situation was not up for much conversation or explanation.

“My roommates are really private and I don’t feel like getting in a fight with them over bringing someone new over to hang out,” he admitted one quiet evening at the library when they were starting to develop a habit of meeting up outside of their shared psychology class. They had been discussing whose place they should go to after the library closed since they both didn’t want to be alone.

Soobin understood what it felt like to want privacy after having his life be so public for so long so he nodded, “Okay... We can go to my place then. But I’ll be honest, I can’t remember if I cleaned up.”

Kai’s expression was so relieved that Soobin felt he made the right choice. But then, as time passed, Soobin found out that Kai couldn’t do a lot of things because of his roommates. For example, Soobin can only count two times that he’s gotten the younger to sleep over and in both instances he was gone by the time Soobin woke up, blaming it on his roommates needing him. He also can’t go out past 6 pm, not even during dead days, weekends or holidays. He doesn’t give an exact reason for it; just says it’s a habit by now.

It's weird and Soobin doesn't hesitate to voice that opinion. Kai usually diverts the conversation by saying that Soobin is the weird one, and, although Soobin knows that it's just a diversion, he allows the younger to change the subject.

“Kai, you’re a sophomore. You should be out doing something reckless, not sitting here working on homework. These are the golden years of your life-"

“-Hyung-”

“I'm not done,” Soobin disappears back into the bathroom, grabbing his comb from its place inside his drawer. “What I'm trying to say is that you’re supposed to be living your life to the fullest right now. No one should be taking that chance from you. Especially not your roommates.”

The younger sighs loud and dramatic, “We get it: you’re a liberal arts creative graphic design major. Art is in everything, life is too short, do crazy things, blah blah.”

“I’m being serious, Kai,” Soobin pouts, combing out his hair with small winces from the tangles that snag. “I don't like how controlling your roommates are."

"They mean well," Kai says, “They just want to make sure I’m safe." He adds under his breath, "People are crazy these days.”

Soobin rolls his eyes at his reflection, brushing his bangs forward to smooth them down, “It sounds like they’re the crazy ones.”

“They’re just trying to protect me.”

“From what? Having fun? Kai, you really need to-”

“Soobin hyung,” Kai cuts him off, tone brittle, “Just drop it... I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Right, okay, whatever.”

“Don’t be like that, hyung.”

“I’m not being _like_ anything.”

The silence is heavy and uncomfortable, settling over them like a wet blanket, as Soobin continues to get ready. He applies a soft pink lip tint and a smidge of concealer for his puffy under eyes then slips on his cap. He goes back into his bedroom, purposefully ignoring Kai who is already packed up and waiting by the door for him. He picks up a set of dangly clip-on earrings and snaps them on, double checking in the bathroom mirror that they compliment his look. He then grabs his lanyard that holds his keycard and ID off of his bedside table and picks up his phone from his bed. Kai opens the door for them to exit and Soobin mumbles his thanks, door automatically locking once it closes behind them. They make it down the 14 floor elevator ride and onto the sidewalk before Kai breaks. 

“Share your location when you get there,” the younger quietly reminds him, his signature hideous green backpack hitched on his shoulder. Soobin remembers when the younger had been ogling it in the store one random day they were hanging out; he’d surprised him with it as a Christmas gift. Kai has used it every day since.

Soobin hums in response, shifting his gaze to his phone where he double checks the address his coworker sent him. He pastes the information into his maps, starting to follow the route towards the karaoke bar without any further comment.

Kai sighs, continuing to follow after Soobin, “Please, hyung? It’ll make me feel better.”

It’s an odd dynamic really; despite Soobin being a year older, Kai is always watching out for him. It’s in the little things, like how Kai walks on the left side of the pavement to keep Soobin from being closest to the street or Kai walking him home whenever it gets dark or Kai making sure that Soobin shares his location whenever he goes on dates or out to social events. Sometime last year when they were studying at a nearby cafe, Soobin had asked about this behavior, curiosity getting the better of him. Kai blatantly ignored the question though, opting to instead down the remainder of Soobin’s Americano and continue typing on his computer as if nothing was said. Soobin just let him, unsure of if he was encroaching on a topic too sensitive for their friendship. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t think about the reasoning behind Kai’s actions every once in a while.

“... Alright,” Soobin sighs, not wanting to worry his best friend any more than usual. “Are you going home?”

The sophomore nods, hand that’s not gripping his backpack strap, opening for a hug, “Yeah. I have to clean up the house tonight.” Soobin reluctantly accepts the hug, and fights to keep a straight face as Kai rubs his stomach affectionately, “Remember not to drink too much. We don’t want a repeat of Spring Fest.” Soobin can’t help but groan at the mention of his most embarrassing drunken slip up to date. “And if you need anything, just call. I’ll be right there.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Soobin pulls out of Kai’s embrace, this time with a tiny smile, “Same here.” Not that Kai actually ever takes him up on the offer. “Text me when you get home.”

Kai nods even though they both know he won’t, “We’ll hang out again soon.”

“We better. I was so bored without you.”

Kai laughs, loud and squeaky, lopsided grin contagious, “I knew you missed me. Good night hyunggggiiieee.”

“‘Night Kai.”

They split up a block later and everything’s fine until a small, mischievous, insistent part of Soobin continues to brood over the younger’s roommates. 

It’s not a new train of thought by any means; in actuality, he thinks about them nearly every time the two hang out. From all the rules to Kai’s general obedience to their requests, all signs point to something being fundamentally wrong. They’re overbearing, extremely overprotective and teetering on the unhealthy side on the scale of paranoid. 

Perhaps he should pay them a visit...

Soobin immediately shoots the idea down. 

Kai’s roommates are private people; hell, he’s never even seen pictures of them in the year and few months that he’s known Kai. Soobin would probably be crossing an unspoken boundary if he tried to contact them outside of Kai’s knowledge. He absently acknowledges that a good hyung would call his roommates out on their bullshit and tell them that Kai is not their puppet to jerk around regardless of how little he knows them. The logical side of him hastily interjects that speaking to said reclusive roommates is bound to bring more trouble than relief to Kai’s circumstances.

Despite the internal argument at hand, Soobin’s feet retrace his steps to where the two last parted. He walks down the alleyways of the backs of apartments in the direction that Kai had gone until he reaches a main road that’s lined with businesses. Most university students avoid this part of the city because it’s more run down, clearly denoted by the fact that half of the signs for the businesses are weakly lit or missing letters and the apartments nearby are considerably older than the majority of buildings that current students stay in. Soobin isn’t completely familiar with the area himself either since he only comes to this street to visit the sweet old lady who runs a small food stand and gives Soobin extra servings of whatever he orders. 

For no particular reason, he begins to walk towards that general vicinity while scanning the storefronts for his friend. As Soobin rounds up a small hill, he finally hears footsteps aside from his own and spots a flash of Kai’s bright yellow hoodie slipping into a laundromat further up the street. His palms go clammy and he falters in his steps, thoughts clashing somewhere between aborting or finishing his mission. 

He considers the possible outcomes for the circumstances at hand.

Kai is already frustrated with the older, deeming as they left on a sour note thanks to Soobin’s big mouth. Finding out that Soobin has been following him on his route home would only amplify that frustration and possibly turn it into something ugly. After all, there are only so many times Soobin can toe over his friendship parameters before the younger snaps. 

Which means it isn’t too late to turn around and go get shit faced at the karaoke bar awaiting him...

But Kai doesn’t understand that these people are controlling him! Soobin knows the younger is too sweet to stand up to them even if he did start to notice. 

_Would a proper hyung let their dongsaeng get stepped on and coerced into obeying some lowlife’s rules?_

With a heavy sigh at the obvious answer, Soobin decides that if he is going to continue being a stalker, it would be wise to cross the street further away from the laundromat to give him a clear view of the door and whatever direction Kai chooses to go after he exits. Soobin takes a few steps back then scurries across the street, taking in the desolate storefronts with a wary expression. The area is eerily quiet, and Soobin feels on edge even though he knows most people are in bed at this time.

“I think I got everything,” Soobin hears Kai before he’s fully out the door, “I’m down the street. I’m just waiting on a text.”

Soobin yanks the rim of his cap further down, ducking to look at his phone screen to look less suspicious. His eyes widen in horror when he notices that Kai is currently typing, the grey bubble bouncing in anticipation of his message. With butterfingers and small whispered curses, he scrambles to silence his ringer just in time to see Kai’s eye emoji text float up on his screen. 

It’s a reminder for Soobin to share his location, something he definitely can’t do right now. Instead he sends a walking man emoji, hoping it’s good enough to deter Kai from pressing the issue. He surveys Kai without moving his head when the message is sent, slowing his walk to properly take him in. His yellow hoodie and oversized jeans are gone, now replaced with a plain black shirt and matching black track pants. His shaggy hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail at the base of his head, a style Soobin hasn’t seen him in before, with some type of mask resting on the top of his head. He’s kneeling, lacing up his combat boots as his shoulder presses his phone to his ear, “... I know, I just wanted to make sure... No,” the younger male pulls the phone back to check the screen, “... He’s not there yet-... Alright, okay, _okay_. I’m on my way.” 

Soobin breaks into a full blown panic when Kai abruptly stands and starts to walk his direction, mouth pressed into a tight scowl. His hand not clutching his phone for dear life reaches towards the closest store front door to his right and shoves it open, the bells high pitched and noisy from the force. He hopes his actions don’t seem as dramatic as they feel when he spins on his heels and rushes into the building while attempting to angle his face away from the younger’s sight. Once he’s inside, he realizes that it is the same laundromat the younger had just left. 

A few of the machines are rolling, the clothes making a dull thumping noise in the tumblers. The front counter is abandoned, a bead curtain that looks like it leads to the back area gently swaying as if someone’s just walked through it. There are three rows of washers, the machines placed back to back, and the farthest wall is lined with two rows of massive dryers. To his immediate left, near the front windows, are folding tables with small coin machines that dispense washing powder beside them. It’s a lonely sight, but ultimately just your average laundromat. 

Soobin turns to leave, deeming that enough time has passed to put space between the two men, when a sliver of green fabric, shoved between two washers, catches his attention. The color is oddly familiar, dirtied from being well used and slightly fraying at the bits that stick out. Soobin struggles to place the item even as he dislodges it from the crevice. Then it clicks: Kai has the exact same backpack.

He left his backpack. 

That’s odd... Kai never lets his backpack get out of his line of view, whether they’re in the library or at a cafe or class. It sits on the desk in front of him, something Soobin frequently complains about because it clutters their workspace. It's a habit the younger has yet to break so the only logical conclusion Soobin can think of is that the phone call distracted him from grabbing it on his way out. He then moves onto analyzing why it was stuck between two washers as if someone was trying to hide it, as if someone wanted to keep it out of sight from prying eyes.

_Why would Kai do that?_

_Or... maybe it wasn’t Kai._

Soobin glances around the laundromat, feeling his anxiety skyrocket at the mere idea that another person is nearby, his mind struggling to connect dots that don’t exist. The quick scan reveals that he’s still alone and, for some reason, that unnerves him more. He reprimands himself to focus on the task at hand, setting the backpack down onto the top of the washer and unzipping it slowly. The clothes Kai had worn at Soobin’s place lay neatly folded inside, his laptop and books just beneath them. Soobin takes one notebook out and flicks through the pages for good measure, finding the handwriting as familiar as his own. He starts to inspect the smaller front compartments, hand diving in to check its contents when his fingers brush across something cool and solid. When he taps his finger tips against it, no noise reverberates, and curiosity has his fingers wrapping around the object to remove it for closer inspection.

It’s...

A gun?

The barrell glints when exposed to the yellowed lighting of the laundromat, weighted in Soobin’s palm, the textured grip worn and smooth from what he can only imagine is frequent use. His heart jackhammers in his chest, threatening to break free from his rib cage and he is unable to tear his eyes away from the blackened metal. He drops the weapon out of his sweat slicked hand, stumbling away from the echoing collision of the butt of the gun hitting the top of the washing machine. As panic swirls in the pit of his stomach, he tries to come up with logical reasons as to why his sweet little dongsaeng would have a gun casually resting in his bag. The idea that it could be loaded presses its way to the front. It chokes out any other train of thought.

The lip of a washer behind him digs into the backs of his thighs, stopping him from retreating further back at the same time that his phone vibrates in his pocket. With violently trembling fingers, Soobin fishes the device from his pocket and swipes without even registering the contact name at all, “H-hello?”

There’s crackling and then, “Hyung? Did you make it? You didn’t share-”

Soobin spots movement out of the corner of his eye, but it’s too late. A searing hot pain shoots from his right cheek directly down his spine, knees going weak, body collapsing without much of his input at all. He doesn’t think he makes any noise, but Kai’s frantic yells have him pondering the possibility. He doesn’t get time to recover before the person is on him, flipping him onto his stomach, binding his arms behind his back. He registers the scraping sound of plastic, his phone being kicked far away from his reach. Their grip on his wrists is bruising as they hiss in his ear, “Who sent you?” Soobin makes the mistake of trying to lift his head, which gets shoved back down with a renewed vigor. His cheek is sticky and hot, adhering to the ground all too easily and the pressure on his freshly split skin makes Soobin’s world go blurry. “Hey, fuck face, I’m talking to you,” the voice is harsh, angry and Soobin’s clouded brain doesn’t understand why, why, _why. "_ Who sent you?” Soobin’s instincts have him weakly flailing against their grip. “I’m giving you one last chance: Who. Sent. You?” Soobin can’t reply, jaw aching when he attempts to open it, an unfamiliar clicking noise accompanying the action. It’s hard to tell what’s blood and what’s tears at this point. The second blow blindsides him just like the first, this time at the base of his neck, and his vision narrows to a pinprick. He welcomes the darkness that overcomes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, so I've actually pre-written a few chapters and I hope I can keep it up. if not I hope you all will be patient with me and stay as excited as I am for this book to develop. I'm going to try my best to explain everything so don't be nervous if you haven't read/watch Tokyo Ghoul! let me know your thoughts below!


	2. isolated

“You don’t need to do that, y’know? He’s already tied up.” 

A grunt.

Warm fingertips slide over Soobin’s throbbing temple, “Jesus, what were you-”

“I had my rings on.”

“I can tell,” the new voice is smooth, rich, not as deep as the first one; it’s soothing, “He’s gonna have a nasty scar.”

Soobin does a self assessment at that moment. A cloth is wrapped tight around his head, obscuring his vision, pressing into his tender temples and torn skin harshly. Another cloth is tied in a tight knot just above a sore point on his neck, the fabric thick and soaked with spit already, effectively filling Soobin’s mouth and absorbing his attempt at a whimper. It smells awful, like pennies and filth; he suppresses a gag, eyes watering beneath the wrap.

“Why do you care?”

“Humans tend to react badly to scars on visible parts of their bodies. Especially their faces.”

“Well, he’ll have to suck it up.” 

“He doesn’t look all that dangerous.” Soobin wants to affirm that he isn’t. “What even happened?”

All of his weight presses into his left shoulder which is once again in contact with a floor that seems to have grooves every few inches, and his head is too heavy for him to hold up on his own, instead resting at an awkward angle on the floor. He flexes his fingers, moves to adjust his arms only to find that they’re secured tightly behind him. He tries to determine the material restraining him with the pads of his fingers, thinks they’re zip ties and, when he shifts his wrists, realizes that they’re so tight that they’ve broken his skin. The acknowledgement makes them burn that much more.

The other male makes a throaty noise, sounding thoroughly irritated, “When I came from the back, he was going through Ning’s stuff. He’d found his gun and instinct took over. I asked him who sent him and he refused to answer. So here we are.”

Soobin bristles at the implication that he was going through someone other than Kai’s things. “Mm...” the soft, warm hands are back, this time at his cheek, slightly sticking to what must be dried blood. “How many times until he was out?”

“Two... eh, more like three. He woke up again when I was pulling him down the steps.”

“Wait, where’s the third one? I see the temple, the cheek, but-” Soobin’s shirt collar dips and he shivers when the fingers stroke over a tender patch of skin at the base of his skull. “Nevermind,” the kind voice sighs, “Did you find out who he was?”

“Yeah, he had two IDs on him. Supposedly goes to Korea Uni. Name is Choi Soobin. His driver’s license says he’s 20. Lives a few blocks away.”

“Soobin?” the kind voice repeats. “... Isn’t that the same-”

“Maybe. But there’s no way to tell; it’s easy to fake these types of cards.”

“What are the odds that there are two of them at the same uni in the same area? It’s probably him, hyung.” There’s a long pause then he feels a tug on his wrists restraints and the action causes him to wince in his stupid gag. “Is this all necessary? He is a human after all.”

“I don’t want to take any chances with this guy; he was snooping through Ning’s stuff. He’s seen more than enough and, if he is with one of them, we need to send a message.”

A huff comes from just above him, but the soft voice doesn’t say anything in response.

“His phone is somewhere upstairs. I’m gonna scan it and see what I can find,” his assaulter comments nonchalantly, footsteps reverberating through the tiles as he walks further away, “I’ll tell Ning in the morning if he comes up clean.”

Soobin’s stomach drops at the notion of this asshole going through his contacts and roping anyone else into his mess. It’s not like he knows much of anyone; he only texts Kai and sends occasional updates to his old case worker whenever she reaches out, but they’re still people that he cares for. They don’t need to go through more stress than they already do, especially not for Soobin.

“Why not tell him now?” the kind voice inquires, confusion evident in his tone.

“He’s busy.”

“He’ll answer if it’s about _him._ ”

“We don’t know if it is _him._ ”

More shuffling, a long sigh, and Soobin feels pressure on his neck, two fingers pressing on his jugular.

“Let’s go.”

The pressure remains.

Soobin counts to ten before a reply comes from his assaulter, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m checking his pulse.”

“Why?”

“You almost killed him-”

Killed... _Killed?_

The rough voice is unphased, “But I didn’t.”

“Then you must know he’s innocent-”

“I don’t know _what_ he is. That’s the problem-”

“Ning wouldn’t-”

“I don’t believe I asked.”

A pause is followed by swift scoff and then the soft voice is speaking in a clipped manner, “... At least let me take this gag off. His jaw is injured enough as is.”

“And if he bites you?”

“He’s a human; it won’t do anything. Besides it would hurt him more than me right now,” the fingers lift away from his neck to now rest at the back of his head. The brush of fabric slipping against itself is the only sound in the room as the sopping wet material is coaxed out of Soobin’s aching mouth. His overall pain is only reduced by a fragment, but it brings tears of relief to his eyes. 

The impatient tapping of a foot, “Done?”

The kind voice doesn’t reply, just gingerly palpitates along his jaw line until Soobin groans, “Doesn’t seem like it’s broken. But definitely bruised... Soobin-ssi, are you awake?”

“Don’t-”

Soobin croaks, “Yes.”

It can hardly be classified as a word, the syllable so quiet that it’s probably easier to hear a butterfly’s wings. But the gentle voice hears it somehow, “Can you flex your jaw for me? I just want to make sure nothing is dislocated.” The impatient tapping intensifies as Soobin obeys the command, gritting through the pain. “Okay, that’s enough. Thank you.”

“Hurts.”

“Yeah, it probably will hurt for a while. Nothing some time and ice can’t fix-”

“He’s fine,” The rough voice raises now and, much to Soobin’s dismay, the soft hands leave his face. He strains to make out the sound of feet shuffling away from him. “Let’s go.”

He’s bleeding, shivering, and starving. He’s the opposite of fine actually and, if Soobin didn’t have extensive ‘Law and Order’ knowledge, he might have been stupid enough to voice these things. But he doesn’t because that’s the fastest way to get shot in those shows and he’d prefer not to find out if the same fate would come to him. 

The door slams shut in the distance and it only takes seconds for Soobin’s entire body to tense, muscles coiling. He tries to fight off the overwhelming urge to cry but ultimately fails, small broken and gasping sort of noises breaking the silence. The air is so cold that the tear streaks feel like needles pricking on his skin and he wants to stop, but he’s terrified. He knows that death comes for everyone, but he assumed it would be at, like, 80 because of choking on a jelly cup in a nursing home, not at the ripe age of 20 from a gunshot wound in a laundromat by a person he doesn’t even know.

_Who even is Ning? Was that his gun? Did he steal Kai’s backpack? How did Soobin even get here? Did Kai go to the bar to look for him?Did anyone see Soobin disappear?Why did Soobincomehereinthefirstplace?IsKaiokay?Whereishe?Shouldhefight?Howcanheescape?Whatshouldhedo?_

It doesn’t take long for his thoughts go wayward as the unnerving quiet stretches on with nothing else to fill it. In a desperate effort to keep from having a complete mental breakdown, Soobin tells himself that this is an extremely vivid dream that will make for a hell of a story when he calls Kai later. That seeing the gun is a result of getting a bit too drunk, that someone probably slipped a pill in his drink at the bar for shits and giggles, that none of this really happened. He’s gonna wake up in his bedroom, or maybe a stranger’s, and call an Uber and apologize to Kai for not texting him like he asked. Yeah, this is all a hilarious anecdote from his overactive brain. 

However, the opening of the door from somewhere above him creates a very real draft that makes him shiver even more and crumbles whatever semblance of sanity he so desperately clung to. “Soobin-ssi,” the kind voice is back, “Are you up?” Soobin makes an affirmative noise, though it's meek and hoarse. “I brought some food down for you.”

At the mention of food, his stomach cramps come back with a ferociousness. He hasn't eaten since he met up with Kai and he really only ate a few bites before Kai ruined the meal. He isn’t sure of how much time has passed since then. The realization only serves to agitate his skyrocketing anxiety levels, an involuntary whimper leaving his lips.

Footsteps sound off onto the floor beneath Soobin’s head until they stop and then the kind voice is much closer, "I wasn't sure what you liked so I brought down ramen." Soobin's mouth begins to water at the mere mention of the noodles. "I'm gonna help you sit up, okay?" Soobin agrees, willing to do anything for a bite of food at this point. The kind stranger’s hands are just gentle as before when they grab Soobin's shoulder and haul him into a sitting position. His torn wrists cry out in protest from the movement and he goes sickeningly dizzy, his head being the last thing in an upright position, a serious crick in his neck sending a terrible surge of white hot pain down his spine. "Can you support yourself?" 

Soobin could sob as he grits out, "N-no."

"Okay, uhm... This might hurt a little but I'm gonna push you against the wall so you can lean on it," the stranger sounds apologetic, Soobin can picture their lips twisting into a frown, "I'm really sorry." Soobin attempts to brace himself but, the moment they put pressure on his shoulders, his throat tightens and his sore body caves. When he reaches the wall, he goes limp, letting the structure hold his body up and preserving what little energy he has gathered. The muted scrape of chopsticks against the plastic bottom of a ramen container reminds him what he sat up for. “Open up.” He obeys the quiet request, mouth unhinging despite the agony, feeling every bit dehumanized. “Hyung is going through your phone now. He should take about an hour so we have some time.” Soobin chews slowly, savoring the taste of the lukewarm noodles, and flinches when a gentle hand wipes away his tears. “You really are Soobin-ssi, aren’t you?”

_What is that even supposed to mean?_

“Why did you come here?”

Soobin swallows his first bite, trying to think past the all encompassing cloud of pain and hunger hanging over him, “I... was looking for someone.”

“Who?” 

The faint sound of chopstick rasping on plastic has Soobin opening his mouth without command. He pushes his noodles to one cheek to explain, “My friend... He’s probably freaking out right now.” Soobin remembers how Kai had shown up to his drunk hook up’s apartment the one time he forgot to text the younger back about getting home safely. His eyes were bloodshot and his usually neat hair was frizzy and wild, outfit crumpled and ill fitting. He told the guy who answered the door that he was here to pick Soobin up before abruptly pushing past him and calling the elder’s name. Soobin was speechless, half dressed, half hung over, and fully feeling like a teenager who got caught by their parents. The entire situation led to an extremely awkward walk home and not so pleasant conversation about why Soobin hadn’t sent his location and how Kai even found him in the first place. Soobin hasn’t forgotten to send Kai his location since.

He prays that Kai doesn’t try to find him this time.

“What’s this friend’s name?”

Soobin hesitates. Although this person has been considerably more kind than his previous assaulter, he is still in some sort of association with him. He could just be trying to lure information out of him to report to the man who hurt Soobin to begin with. He could be trying to figure out who Soobin was on the phone with. And if they do things like this to Soobin, who knows what they could do to his sweet little Kai?

The stranger clears his throat, chopsticks stirring in the ramen as he asks a different question instead, “Does he live near here?” It’s still invasive, but it’s easier to answer.

Soobin readjusts his arms, displacing the weight from his hands to a corner of his shoulder blades to ease some of the ache, “... I don’t know.” It’s honest; perhaps that scares Soobin more than his current predicament.

Somewhere, maybe above his head, maybe right behind him, there are heavy steps, a distant call, and suddenly a whisper in his ear, “I won’t let him come back down here. Not until everyone is home. So just hang tight.” Soobin opens his mouth to ask a question only to have it filled with noodles. “Goodnight, Soobin-ssi.”

Soobin doesn’t protest, figuring that it’s best that he stays on this person’s good side. He mumbles around his last mouthful while listening to their retreating steps, “Thank you.” 

The last thing Soobin hears before the door closes is a sharp intake of air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The support on this book already makes my heart soar omg :’”)))) thank you to everyone who’s given it a chance and I hope each update will keep you hooked. tell me what your thinking in the comments below!!!


	3. who are you?

The first thing Soobin registers when he regains consciousness is warmth.

His body is still throbbing and sore at parts, his hands and feet are numb from poor circulation, and his brain is knocking forcefully into his skull.

But he’s warm.

The second thing that he processes is persistent noise. After several moments of forced concentration, he deciphers multiple voices talking at once with one constantly overpowering the others.

“Where is he!?” The voice speaking the most often is familiar, the source buried deep in Soobin’s subconscious, but the warmth cocooning him melts any desires to try and identify it. “Where!?”

“I moved him onto the couch; he’s fine. It’s not as bad as it looks. We did a full body check and nothing was broken-”

“-Broken!? What the- I want to see him! Now!”

“Then you need to calm down.”

The last thing that Soobin’s sleep idled brain notices is that his body is no longer on the floor. The surface below him is soft and envelopes his battered body so well that he sinks deeper into it. He also notices the lack of pressure on his temples that has him cracking his eyes open just enough for light to sting them.

“You’re awake!'' Much to Soobin’s surprise, the kind voice filters in from somewhere beside him. “How do you feel?”

Soobin doesn’t want to reply. In fact he regrets even trying to open his eyes, the brightness of the light spurring on his current headache and offering little clues as to where he is now. “Like shit,” he rasps, throat bone dry. He lets his head lull to the side and takes in his surroundings. There seems to be a singular light directly overhead, shining down to reveal a beat up coffee table littered with what looks like first aid supplies and papers. Without moving his head much, Soobin also realizes that he is on a couch with a blanket tucked firmly around him, mummifying him in heat. It’s a welcomed change from freezing on a hard tiled floor mere hours ago.

“I have something that’ll solve that, but you have to sit up,” Soobin blinks at the blurry figure now squatting in front of him, blocking his view of the coffee table. “Can you do that?” When his eyes focus properly, a bowl cut of chestnut hair and round amber irises stare right back. “Or do you need help?”

“Are you an idol?” is the first and only question that comes to mind because holy _shit_ this man looks like a model. His face is rounded in the apples of his cheeks, which makes Soobin think they must be close in age, but his skin is blemish free, something Soobin can only dream of, and his hair is pin straight in a bowl cut, reminiscent of Soobin’s many failed haircut requests. A pair of round gold frames sit on the bridge of his nose and his carefully sculpted eyebrows lift in response to Soobin’s question. Soobin realizes in this moment that God has his favorites and this guy is definitely one of them.

The kind stranger breaks into a wide smile, laugh lines creasing his skin deeply, “I’ll take that as you need help.” He rises to a standing position, gently untucking Soobin’s blanket burrito before guiding his feet off the couch and pulling him into a sitting position. Soobin helps as best he can, becoming aware that his hands are no longer bound about halfway through the process. His neck strongly protests the movement, going stiff and forcing Soobin to keep his head tilted at a slight angle, but he doesn’t feel as terrible as the last time he’d been coerced into sitting up. “What’s your name?”

“Uh... Choi Soobin,” he replies after a beat, confused as to why he’s being asked.

The man just nods, “Where do you go to school?”

“Korea Uni...”

“What year are you?”

“... Junior.”

“Birthday?”

“... December 5th... 2000.”

“Good,” the man nods again, seeming satisfied with Soobin’s replies. He turns away then the sound of a bottle shaking is followed by the man opening his palm to reveal two oblong white pills, “It’s pain medicine. The good stuff. It should take the edge off some.”

Soobin is reaching out to accept the pills when he notices that his wrists are bandaged in a thick layer of white gauze and tan wrap. They must be covering whatever nasty cuts he’d received from his restrainants earlier. His eyes drift from his newly dressed wounds back to the coffee table that still has evidence of him being patched up and his stomach swoops, sobering him back to reality. He has no clue what these pills do, or why he’s even here, let alone if he can trust this guy. He replies after a prolonged beat, “I’m fine.”

The kind stranger shakes his head, “I know you’re in pain. This dosage should be enough to make everything a bit more bearable.”

Soobin tries to make an excuse for denying the tempting offer, “I-”

A loud crash sounds from somewhere to Soobin’s left and he flinches, instinctively curling into himself. There’s a small pause, barely enough time for him to inhale, before someone is on top of him, “Hyung!” Soobin’s entire body protests their additional weight, leaving him gasping and whimpering in pain. “Shit!”

He knows the person by voice alone and his heart thrums in an erratic, panicked pattern, “Kai.” 

The younger pulls off of Soobin at the acknowledgement, eyes brimming with tears, “Hyung-”

“Why are you here?” Soobin hurriedly pushes his dongsaeng away from him. “Go home!”

“What?! No, I’m not leaving you-”

“Don’t be _stupid_!” Soobin cries out, continuing to shove the younger away until he’s no longer on the couch with him, until he has space to think. “I don’t want you to get hurt-”

“Have you seen yourself?” Kai replies, voice trembling as he stumbles back from the force, calf catching the edge of the coffee table. He tips back unsteadily before regaining his footing, demanding brokenly, “How can you even worry about me right now?”

Soobin thinks the question is dumb because the answer is obvious, always has been when it comes to the younger. “I don’t want them to hurt you,” the words feel thick in Soobin’s throat, coated with embarrassment and desperation, “You’re all I have, Kai."

_I can’t lose you too._

Soobin had been thrown into the foster care system when he was four. His memory of that exact day is hazy; all he knows is that he wound up outside the massive Kids First building downtown. The painful, overimposing feeling that is loneliness quickly became synonymous with his childhood. He didn’t talk much growing up, not even during his final months at the largest state funded group home in Ansan.

His case worker, Sooyoung, had thought he was mute when she’d first met toddler Soobin, who’s big doe eyes and pouty lips took up his whole face. But a glass of milk and a warm yeast roll from a nearby bakery was enough for him to whisper a quiet ‘Hello’ while crouching in the corner of her office.

Sooyoung is arguably the best person Soobin had met during those grueling 14 years. She was always there whenever his new ‘home’ got tired of his presence, typically with a carton of almond milk and some type of pastry to help him not cry on the ride back to her office for paperwork filing, and he even lived with her for a brief three months when no one had space for another foster. Although she tried with all her might, visiting dozens of homes and pleading on the phone with foster parents from all across the country, Soobin’s longest stay was about five months before he was back at a state funded facility. He learned to cope with feeling unwanted. The state funded group homes often took better care of him than most foster families did and he could at least have his own space there anyways. 

His parents never attempted to contact him and Soobin had decided at the wise age of 11 that he wouldn’t either. That decision drove him to not even bother to look at his parents name when he got his legal documents from the agency in the mail after officially aging out of the system. They left him for one reason or another and, after 12 group home transfers and one trial family, Soobin has learned that it’s better off not to know why. 

Kai’s face is blotchy and red now, tears welling in his lashes as he turns to face the entryway he’d appeared from, “They won’t.”

There are two new faces in the room now. One is young, definitely younger than Soobin, with high cheekbones, a slight frown that hints at a dimple, and carved face mask hanging at his neck. His gaze is intense, seeming to calculate Soobin’s every move and scan the room all at once. He looks rather unbothered with the situation at hand, but his stance is tense, one hand in his pocket, the other placed atop the forearm of the man directly beside him who is pointing something in Soobin’s direction with barely concealed anger. His hair is a striking silver, slicked back to reveal strong brows and cat-like chocolate brown eyes that study Soobin as if _he_ is the crazy one here.

Soobin registers the barrel of the gun last, feeling his blood go cold. 

Not again. Anything but _this_ again.

He pushes to his feet, despite every aching bruise on his body, shielding Kai’s body with his own trembling one, “Pl-please. Just let him go. H-he won’t say anything about this, I promise,” he pleads with his captors, hands up and out in surrender. 

The kind stranger’s face crumples, “Soobin-ssi-”

“Please. He’s a kid,” Soobin continues rambling, clasping his hands into prayer position. “He doesn’t know what’s going on,” Neither does Soobin if he’s being honest, but he has to get Kai out of here in one piece. “He won’t ask anymore questions-”

Kai says from behind him, “Put the gun down. You’re scaring him.”

The atmosphere pulls thin, snaps and reconnects within the mere seconds it takes for the man with the gun to lower the weapon to his side.

“See, hyung? They won’t hurt me.”

Soobin thinks this must be what whiplash feels like, his thoughts racing and crashing into each other, “Kai-”

“This is him?” the man with the watchful eyes asks.

“Yes.”

“Mm, well it’s a shame that we had to meet this way-”

“-At all-,” Soobin realizes that the man holding the gun has the same rough voice as his assaulter from earlier. The connection sends shivers down Soobin’s spine and he can’t help cowering away from him, taking one step back only to bump into Kai’s lanky frame.

“My name is-”

“Don’t,” Kai speaks again and Soobin faces him this time, close to sputtering into tears. He _needs_ the younger to shut up before his captors run out of patience. “He can still leave-”

“You know that’s not an option anymore,” the gruff voice replies rather bitterly.

There’s too much going on, too many people speaking, too many things going over, around and in Soobin’s head and his body is screaming for rest, “Kai, wh-what are you talking about? Do you know these people?”

“Hyung, I-”

“I’m Taehyun,” Soobin is reluctant to shift his eyes from his dongsaeng to the man speaking, “That’s Beomgyu,” the kind stranger gives him a weak grin, a mere shadow of his dazzling one from moments ago, “And this is Yeonjun. We’re Huening’s roommates.”

“H-Huening?”

“We’re his roommates,” Taehyun repeats slowly, clearly the calmest out of everyone present, “I would say it’s nice to meet you, but, considering the circumstances, I’m sure none of us are very pleased.”

Soobin grows dangerously lightheaded, thoughts zooming by too fast for him to process, body trembling with the effort to stay upright, “You’re... Kai, you know these people? Who is Huening? What is going on?”

Beomgyu is by his side in moments, grabbing one arm for support, “Ning, help me sit him back down. He’s too weak to move around like this.”

Soobin wants to yank his arm away, to pull Kai behind him, to protect him from whatever the hell is happening. But Beomgyu is right; he’s drained, dizzy and nauseous. He allows for them to sit him back onto the couch, stares up at Kai above him, waiting for something to give.

The younger doesn’t answer his questions though, just raises one of his own, squatting down to make the two eye level, “Hyung, why... Why were you at the laundromat?”

“W-what?”

“Why were you at the laundromat?”

Soobin blinks, trying to figure out why the hell he’s choosing now of all times to ask this, “I was looking for you.”

“Why?”

“Because,” his eyes flutter shut, trying to think past his raging headache, past the depletion of his stored energy, “You were upset. You couldn’t go to the bar. You never go anywhere.”

He feels Kai’s long fingers slot into one of his hands, squeezing it softly, “Hyung-”

“So I was going to tell your roommates to let you go tonight. I didn’t want you to feel like you were being controlled.”

“Ning, he needs to take these,” Beomgyu’s whisper is urgent.

Soobin doesn’t trust it, doesn’t trust them. “I’m fine. Can we just go?” he cracks open an eye, tilting his head towards his assaulter, now identified as Yeonjun, “Can you please let us leave?”

Taehyun is the one to speak, “Soobin-ssi, I’m sorry, but-”

“The only way you’re leaving is over my dead body,” Yeonjun growls, shoulders pulling back.

The statement holds weight, too much considering the comments he’d made last night while Soobin was restrained. It makes him flinch at the implication, whimper at the notion of being hurt again and he regrets speaking at all.

“Yeonjun hyung,” Kai says sternly, lips pressed into a tight line.

Yeonjun doesn’t reply, but his eyes switch from trying to put a hole in Soobin’s head to simmering at the younger instead.

“You know them,” Soobin can’t keep the betrayal out of his voice, “You- you called him hyung.”

Kai pauses, mouth opening and closing, eyebrows knitting together. Soobin tries to remember another time where Kai was this quiet. None come to mind.

“These are your roommates?” Soobin has to hear it from his mouth.

Kai’s expression is riddled with guilt, hands nervously wringing together, “... Yes. They are... Look, we can talk about this later. How are you feeling?” 

Soobin unslots their intertwined hands, staring up at the person he thought he’d known with a lump in his throat.

“Do you need anything?”

Soobin needs to lie down, “Space.”

Kai reluctantly steps back, voice laced with concern as he asks Beomgyu, “How long was he in the basement?”

“Hyung came in with him about ten minutes after you left. I think it was nine thirty or some time close to that,” Beomgyu’s head dips, avoiding Kai’s intense gaze. Soobin lies down on his side, pulls his knees to his chest, and takes slow deep breaths that do nothing to calm his frazzled nerves. “He didn’t clear him until around 5am. We moved him up here and I finished patching him up. Then you guys came home.”

Eight hours. Soobin endured eight hours of isolation and fear and pain. 

The realization makes him feel hollow on the inside.

Kai clenches his jaw, an audible swallow following the action, “Has he eaten?”

“Yeah. I gave him ramen at one-”

“What?” Yeonjun’s voice is a boom in the quiet space, effectively destroying whatever stability Soobin has remaining. “You went back down there without me? Are you serious?”

“Hyung, he was actively bleeding-”

“I don’t care if he was _dying,_ ” Kai gives a warning growl at the choice of words, but Yeonjun continues to rant, “You shouldn’t have gone down there without me. What if he attacked you while I was upstairs?”

Beomgyu argues, fists clenching by his sides in defiance, “He was tied up-”

“Soobin hyung can’t even kill a fly anyways,” Kai spits, “He would never-”

“Then why was he holding your gun?”

_Your?_

Kai is obviously caught off guard by the question, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. His eyes drop from narrowing at Yeonjun to take in Soobin’s blank expression, “W-what?”

“Your little friend here was holding your gun when I came out of the back. He must have been searching for it because your backpack was wide open.”

 _Your gun_. 

Meaning Kai owns the gun. 

Kai knows the gun exists.

Kai may even use the gun.

He carries it in his backpack, as if he would need it the same way he needs a pencil or his laptop. In the very backpack Soobin had gifted him. The grip was smooth, as if someone held it often. As if _Kai_ held it often.

He probably has.

Soobin squeezes his eyes shut, begging every deity in existence to wake up from this hellish nightmare already. He’s had enough.

Kai’s voice is closer to him; he must be hovering over Soobin now, “Hyung, what were you doing with my gun?”

Soobin only squeezes his eyes tighter together, curling his head into his knees, biting harshly on his inner cheek when his body protests the movement.

“Hyung, please talk to me.”

He can _not_ handle this.

“Soobinie hyung-”

“Huening,” Taehyun calls, tone strict but not unkind, “... Give him some space. He’s had a long night and you have too. We can talk once everyone’s had some rest and something to eat, alright?”

The atmosphere is charged and it makes the hairs stand on the back of Soobin’s neck, but he doesn’t dare to move.

“I’ll be back,” Kai says in a strained voice after a long stretch of silence engulfs the group.

Footsteps pound the floor before abruptly stopping. Another voice demands, “Where are you going?” 

“Out.”

“Where?” Taehyun presses and there's a hushed mumbling from Beomgyu in Soobin’s ear about needing to take those stupid pills. “We just came back from a shift. You need to sleep.”

“Tyun, I-” Kai’s voice cracks, Soobin’s heart following suit, “I can’t be here. I’m too- I need to get out. Now.”

“I’ll go with you-”

“No!” Kai snaps angrily, “You can track me, follow me, I don’t care, but I want to be alone for once. Just this fucking once.”

It’s tense for so long that Soobin loses count of how many seconds pass. “Alright,” Taehyun quietly replies, still calm and collected, “Be back by two or I’m sending Yeonjun hyung after you.”

The footsteps continue until they’re faint and Soobin feels his stomach swoop at the realization that he is alone yet again. Tears leak from his closed eyes and he doesn’t bother to wipe them away, just lets them flow in hopes that he’ll find answers in the salt.

“Taehyun, Beomgyu, go rest up. I’ll keep an eye on him,” Yeonjun’s gruff dismissal of his only saving grace has Soobin biting through his inner cheek, the taste of copper spilling on his tongue, competing for attention in his anxiety riddled brain. “We’ll sit down to talk whenever Huening gets back.”

“Soobin-ssi,” Beomgyu whispers softly, pulling the abandoned blanket back over Soobin’s exposed body, tucking him in like one would a child, “If you feel like the pain is unbearable at any point, the pills are on the coffee table in front of you. You can call for me if you need anything, okay?”

Soobin doesn’t answer, too afraid of opening his mouth and asking for the kind man to stay when his assaulter is so close by. It’s not like he’s safer with any of them anyways. Beomgyu doesn’t say anything else before he gently pats Soobin’s back and joins the steady sound of retreating steps. A loud, long sigh is huffed into the air after their footsteps fade into the distance. Soobin doesn’t want to open his eyes, doesn’t want to know who made the noise, doesn’t care honestly. But then another sigh comes, even more noisy than the first one, and this time it’s accompanied by a rough, “Are you going to stay like that all day?”

Soobin doesn’t reply, tonguing at his tender cheek and hissing inwardly at the loose skin in regret.

“You might as well get comfortable. You won’t be leaving for a long time.” Soobin wonders if this is Yeonjun attempting to put him at ease, or just a tactic to keep him in line. “Your choice,” Yeonjun says nonchalantly, as if he was discussing lunch and not Soobin’s life, “Just know that if you don’t try anything stupid, I won’t have to touch you again.”

It’s not a direct threat, but it sends tremors down Soobin’s body all the same. He tightens into an even tighter fetal position, remaining silent. Yeonjun doesn’t bother speaking again after that, probably satisfied that Soobin won’t try to make an escape now. Soobin fights the wave of exhaustion for as long as he possibly can, perking up at every sound of fabric rustling and footsteps, but the darkness weighs heavy on his eyelids, sealing them close, and eventually sleep takes him under.


	4. run away

“He hasn’t made it back. He’s at the fountain on campus,” a voice pulls Soobin back to consciousness; some part of his panicked brain recognizes it as Taehyun. “Don’t let him see you, just make sure he’s not losing it.” 

Soobin does a body check, feeling his sore and strained muscles protest when he attempts to stretch out. He opens his eyes a smidge, though the sting from the light overhead is all the same. With blurry vision, he catches a glimpse of Yeonjun tucked off in a chair near the front entrance and Taehyun’s lower body in front of the coffee table. 

The silver haired male nods curtly, eyes sharp and dark even from this distance, “Will do. I doubt that he wants to see me anyways,” he pushes out of his chair to stand, rolling his shoulders back, “Do you mind checking the archives? I couldn’t find him in Seoul’s database.” Soobin starts to move his knees down from his chest, releasing a small whimper of pain that causes Yeonjun to look over with a slight frown, “Oh. You’re finally awake. Listen, Taehyun is going to run a screening on you and then we’ll get a final call on whether or not you’re worth our time. Cooperate and we won’t have any problems. The only reason I’m not restraining you is because Huening and Beomgyu would scream my ears off so try not to ruin that for yourself, Choi.”

Taehyun merely points to the doorway, “Go before he runs off again. I’ll have the report done by the time you’re back.”

Yeonjun nods again, staring at Soobin with an expression of pure contempt for long enough to make Soobin lower his gaze in submission. He then abruptly spins on his heel and exits the room.

Taehyun’s shoulders slump in that moment and that’s when Soobin realizes that the man is no longer wearing his all black ensemble and carved mask from earlier. Instead he has on cartoon pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that is at least three sizes too big on his small frame. He looks like a child. “Come on. I’m sure you’re hungry,” is all the male says, not even bothering to look over in Soobin’s direction as he disappears through the doorway on the opposite side of the room.

Soobin waits for the catch, waits for him to come back with more zip ties and a gun, but it doesn’t happen. He slowly unfurls, bones cracking and creaking as he pushes up into a sitting position. Once his eyes have fully adjusted, he takes a moment to survey the room. It’s a small living area, consisting of the couch that Soobin is laying on, a chair across from him and the table just before him. On either side of the room are doorways, one to his left that must lead to the outside and the other to his right that goes further into the residence. He stares at the doorway Yeonjun disappeared through, wondering how far he could make it. Assuming they were still in the same neighborhood, Soobin was only a few blocks away from home. He could easily run there and, and, and- 

He pats his pockets in that moment to find them emptied, his idea extinguishing before it even caught aflame. He is entirely at their mercy. They have all of his IDs, his phone, and his keys. He has to play along if he’s hoping to get out.

He rises to his feet, glad that no wave of nausea overtakes him, and takes tentative steps towards the doorway Taehyun had gone through. Peeking inside, Soobin spots him perched in a chair at a table with a bowl and laptop in front of him. The kitchen itself is much bigger than Soobin’s own, with an L shaped counter hugging the wall and small island in the center. It seems to have been scrubbed sparkling clean, smelling of bleach and lemon, which only puts a slight dent in Soobin's ferocious hunger pains. The clock on the microwave reads 2:30 pm causing the sickening realization that he’s been stuck here for more than 12 hours to sink in. Soobin finds himself hesitating at the threshold of the space.

“Were you born in Seoul?” Taehyun asks, not bothering to look away from his screen as he pushes the bowl across the table from him.

Soobin then fully enters the kitchen, lowering into the seat directly across from the stranger carefully and peering into the bowl to see Fruity Pebbles floating in milk, “No... I moved here for school.”

Taehyun types for a long time after that, only pausing to make small grunts of acknowledgement at whatever is on his screen. Soobin allows his eyes to take in the entire kitchen at this new angle, making note of the many bags of coffee lining the countertop and a massive corkboard near the fridge with a crap load of papers pinned to it. He wonders what they’re for. 

At some point Taehyun holds Soobin's IDs up to the screen and Soobin has to force his hands to stay in his lap. When he’s done inspecting them, he places the pieces of plastic back down and resumes to type at lightning speed. Soobin, out of boredom and discomfort, decides to finally take a bite of his cereal and nearly moans at the taste after having no food for so long. He can’t help but speed through the bowl, barely giving himself time to chew before he’s shoveling another spoonful in his mouth.

“Why KU?” Taehyun breaks the silence after some time passes.

Soobin looks up from his bowl to study the man, pushing all of the cereal in his mouth into one cheek, “... They were the first university to accept me.”

“Hm.” More typing. “How’d you meet Huening?”

Soobin tenses, spoon splashing into his milk, “Why do you call him that?”

“Call him what?”

“Why do you call Kai that name?”

“Because that’s his name,” Taehyun snorts like Soobin just cracked the funniest joke.

Soobin glares at the man, his free hand clenching into a fist beneath the table, “His name is-”

“Huening Kai. It’s his last name.”

The fight leaves Soobin instantly at the comment, “... Oh...” 

Kai didn’t tell him that... Soobin never even thought to ask about it.

“I didn’t know he was going by Kai now,” Taehyun shrugs, still typing, “I can start calling him that if you’d like.”

Soobin doesn’t respond, too busy staring at the small pieces of cereal swirling in the milk. How many things does he not know about Kai? How many things will other people tell him before his ‘best friend’ himself?

“You’re a creative graphic design major, huh?”

The statement catches Soobin off guard, “W-what?”

“You seem to be doing well in your classes. You must be good at it,” Taehyun continues as if he didn’t just say something that Soobin hadn’t even told him. “Alright, your IDs are legit. Are you working? It says that you have work study, but I don’t see any pay stubs on file.”

“Yes, I’m- Wait, you just- How do you know that?”

“It’s on your student account.”

“How did you get into my account?!”

“The same way you do: by logging in.”

“I didn’t give you my password!” 

Taehyun looks up from his screen, one brow arched, “... I know.”

“Then how the hell did you just log in?” 

Taehyun blinks, straight faced, “I ran a password program to find yours. It’s not that hard honestly, a simple algorithm that anyone could code.”

“Are you a hacker?!”

“I prefer the term hacktivist, but yes.”

Soobin is speechless, only able to stare at the male like he’s out of his mind. Which he must be if he just hacked into Soobin’s account to make sure that his IDs weren’t fake.

“Okay, I’m sensing that you have questions,” Taehyun tilts his laptop screen downward, pushing his laptop to the side, “You might as well ask them before anyone else comes home. They don’t like to talk about much in detail.” They sit in a short span of silence. "Go ahead."

“Was all of this done just to steal my information?” Soobin’s eyes dart to his IDs, thinks about how many things are linked to his school account, how on Earth he’s going to tell the police about all the things that these people have on him. 

Taehyun laughs in amusement, “This would be an awfully inefficient way of gathering information."

“Then what does any of this have to do with me?”

Taehyun seems to genuinely consider the question, answering after a beat, "I guess I should explain why all this started in the first place. So, I wipe all records of our identities' existence from the system about twice every three or so months. Which is also why we prefer to limit our contact with outside people. Huening, however,” one corner of his mouth lifts, a half smile of sorts, “goes to school which means I can’t wipe the records kept on his identity without raising suspicion. So we agreed that he could attend classes as long as he kept our existence out of the conversation. He had been doing well until last night,” Taehyun sighs, pausing his storytelling to tap several keys on his laptop, “As a result we’re doing damage control and you just happen to be a part of the mess.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you are now under the radar with us.”

Soobin reads between the lines, “You want me to keep your existence a secret?”

“Ddaeng, ddaeng. That’s-” 

“I can do that. I don’t have anyone living with me and I really only hang out with Kai. That’s no problem,” Soobin explains, relieved to know that he only needs to keep his mouth shut. If being quiet is what they want, then he can do it. “Do I just need to tell that Yeonjun guy that I won't talk about this? Is that what he’s waiting for? Then I can go home?”

Taehyun gives him a sad smile that only makes Soobin’s sandcastle hopes crumble, “Soobin-ssi, I don’t think you understand. Yeonjun hyung is very... secretive, guarded. All of us are if I’m being honest. You not only finding our home base, but seeing all of our faces and knowing our names makes you a liability. Lucky for you, Kai is fond of you so nothing will happen to you- well, nothing more than what’s been done. Which I am sorry about by the way. But we can’t allow for liabilities-”

“You aren’t going to let me go,” Soobin realizes, heart sinking to his toes, “You’re kidnapping me.”

“Kidnapping would imply that we hunted you down. It would be more accurate to say that you ran into some rather inconvenient circumstances and now,” Taehyun gestures at the space between them, “here we are.”

“I can’t leave.”

“No, you can’t,” Taehyun almost sounds apologetic.

“Are you... are you gonna get rid of my identity too?” The prospect scares Soobin more than he would like to admit. 

“Actually, no. Your information is too skewed currently. The Ansan database is much less advanced than Seoul’s so your information is stored on a mix of paper records and digital ones and I need to study their system maintenance to decide on our next move. Besides, with your enrollment at KU, a sudden disappearance of legal documentation needed to attend would raise too many brows.”

Some part of Soobin feels relief while another dreads the answer to his next question, “So what’s going to happen right now?”

Taehyun is quiet for a long while, “Most likely we’ll transfer you into online classes; hopefully you do well with virtual lectures. I’ll be monitoring and tracking your search history and general activity on your phone and whatever computer you start using to make sure you’re not contacting anyone outside of us four. Beomgyu will continue to help you with your injuries. Kai will be around to socialize with you whenever he’s home from classes or not on duty. Think of this as an... extended vacation?” Taehyun offers, shoulders lifting in a ‘Oh well, what can you do?’ manner that makes Soobin want to burst into tears.

“You can’t just cut me off from my normal life.”

“I don’t mean to be an asshole-”

“-Too late-”

“-Yeah, I’m aware, but we can. And will.”

Soobin blinks rapidly in disbelief, angry that tears are skimming at the surface, angry that this man has power over him, angry that he didn't try to make a run for it, “This has to be the worst day of my life.”

“It’s psychologically proven that identifying a situation as negative will make it more depressing than it is in reality. Like I said, extended vacation is a better way to view to this entire ordeal.”

Before Soobin can tell Taehyun to stick this ‘extended vacation’ up his ass, he hears a door open and close followed by two sets of footsteps. He turns towards the doorway in time to see Kai and Yeonjun enter the kitchen, the younger considerably far behind and looking much smaller than usual. He won’t look at Soobin and, in a twisted way, Soobin is relieved. Yeonjun comes to a stop at the island in the middle of the room, proceeding to lean forward on his elbows, hands clasping together against the countertop.

"Find any problems?" Yeonjun speaks directly to Taehyun, referring to Soobin as if he is a child in the principal's office and not a prisoner.

Taehyun makes a noncommittal noise, "Nothing much in Seoul’s database, but I found him in his school directory. I was just explaining how switching him over to digital was going to work."

Yeonjun nods then glances around the kitchen to find Kai lingering near the corkboard at the entrance, "Ning, can you get Gyu so we can start?" Kai soundlessly obeys the request causing Yeonjun to sigh softly before telling Taehyun, "Can you start working on figuring out where all of his documents are and in what format?"

"Yeah-"

"I promise I won't say anything!" Soobin blurts out, nerves coiling his insides tight. "I really have no reason to! Whatever's happening here is none of my business!"

Yeonjun’s feline gaze devours Soobin whole, so hostile that the younger man grips his half eaten bowl of cereal so hard that his fingertips go numb, "You're damn right that this is none of your business. If it wasn't for Huening, I would have ripped-"

"Ahem," a strong clearing of a throat interrupts Yeonjun’s threat before it fully evolves and Soobin is grateful. Beomgyu stands in the doorway, leaning on the frame as his eyes drift to Kai who has returned to his place at the corkboard, "I don't want to be _that_ person, but realistically he can only handle a handful more of information before we risk him going into shock so let's prioritize the big ideas and save the details for a later date."

"Who wants to do the honors?” Taehyun asks the group, observant eyes pausing at Kai.

“I mean, since Huening has known him the longest?” Beomgyu glances at the boy in question apprehensively.

Kai finally faces the group and Soobin’s breath catches in his chest. His expression is pinched, mouth twisted in a frown, "Can we be alone?" His voice is hoarse, as if he'd been crying, or maybe screaming, for hours now. It makes Soobin ache in an unfamiliar way.

Everyone waits, gazes landing on Yeonjun for his response. The silver haired male stares at Kai for a long moment, sighing out, "... Ten minutes. We'll be in the living room." Taehyun gets up and Beomgyu simply does a 180, leaving the room. But Yeonjun switches his attention to Soobin, "If I hear-"

"Hyung," Kai says so sternly that Yeonjun hesitates, "Please."

There's a pause where Soobin expects Yeonjun to finish, but he exits the kitchen without another word. Kai doesn't close the distance and Soobin has to press his heels into the floor to keep from getting up.

"How are you feeling?"

 _Horrible._ Soobin wants to say but, by the look on Kai’s face, he knows that the younger doesn't deserve the wrath of his anger. At least not all of it. He instead explains, "Tired. It feels like I've been sleeping all day, but I'm so exhausted."

"Want some coffee?" Kai offers as he reaches into a cabinet to remove a pour over set up and a measuring spoon, "I was gonna make myself a cup anyways." The crinkling sound of him opening the bag fills the room while he dumps several spoonfuls of coffee ground into the filter stretched over the coffee pot. The way in which Kai reseals the bag and retrieves two mugs from a counter below almost tricks Soobin into feeling like they're at his apartment and enjoying a normal Sunday morning together. However, the backdrop of the pristine white kitchen reminds Soobin that this is far from normal. 

He’s careful to keep his voice low, afraid of being overheard when he asks, "Taehyun-ssi said... He said that I was staying here until further notice... Is that true?"

Kai fills a kettle with water from the sink then places the container onto the stove, adjusting the knobs, "It is."

"Why?" The question comes out broken, mangled. "Why can't I go home?"

"Because they're afraid that you'll talk."

"About?"

"What you've seen. What you‘ve heard," Kai looks serious for the first time in the year and a half that Soobin has known him. It’s unnerving. “What happened to you.”

“So they do _this_?”

"They're doing what they've always done: being careful."

"Paranoid. Not careful," Soobin hisses angrily. "This is so excessive!"

"I know."

The older resists the all consuming urge to scream, "Then _why_ am I being held hostage?"

"Because it’s hard to trust someone's words when you don't know them."

"But you know me!"

"They don't."

Soobin grips his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes closed as his headache returns in dull throbs. The effort of whispering makes it worse, "I don't even have friends, Kai. Who on Earth would I talk to?"

"Coworkers, classmates, professors-"

"And tell them _what_?! That my best friend has a group of roommates?! No one would give a shit!"

"You're right. Most people won't. But what about the few that will?" Kai asks, voice devoid of emotion in a way that Soobin has never heard before. "They start asking questions. Too many. They want to meet me. See my face. They mention my roommates. They want to see pictures, hear stories, meet them. They try to find me on social media, come up empty, ask why. They take pictures without my permission, get too curious for their own good. They don't take no for an answer. Then what?"

"You're acting like you're a secret agent or something!"

The kettle whistles and Soobin opens his eyes to watch Kai swirl the hot water over the coffee grounds. The trickle of the coffee into the pot is the only sound for at least two minutes; it does nothing to calm Soobin’s anxiety. Kai fills their cups then lowers into the chair across from Soobin after placing the mug down in front of him. He takes one long sip, cradling his drink for warmth, "Tell me if you like it."

"Kai, I-"

"It's a cinnamon roll roast. Your favorite."

Soobin takes a deep breath, trying to get a hold on his agitation. Once he's certain he won't explode, he questions, "... Kai, do I know you?"

"Of course you know me."

"I know you? Really? Because I learned something new today from a complete stranger. Do you want to know what it is?" Soobin doesn't wait for a reply. "Your name. Huening. Huening Kai. So simple, don't you think?" This time he gives Kai a full minute to answer and the younger merely stares at him. "Why? Why didn't I know something as basic as your last name?"

Kai shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "It wasn’t important. You'd never need it-"

"But why not just say it? Why not let me know? What is the point of keeping it?"

"Hyung, it's just a name-"

"If it's 'just a name', then why didn't I know it?" Soobin snaps, voice shaky. And it's so frustrating because he's _angry_ and yet he sounds like he's about to cry. 

"Because I didn't think you'd care-"

"What else have you been hiding from me?"

“I’m not hiding anything.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not-”

“Whenever you lie, you stare at my hair.”

There’s a long pause then a whisper, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Soobin demands to know.

“I just wanted to keep you safe.”

Soobin glares at his best friend, “By lying to me?”

“I didn’t lie or hide anything,” Kai insists, grip tightening on his drink, “You never _asked_.”

“Well, now I am: what else don’t I know about you?”

Kai lowers his cupped hands to place down the mug in his grasp, gaze flickering from the reflective brown of his coffee to Soobin’s hurt eyes, "... I’m... I'm a..." He seems to be both lost in thought and totally present as he murmurs into the air, "I'm a ghoul." 

Soobin almost scoffs, almost scolds his dongsaeng for the poorly timed joke in such a serious conversation, but Kai doesn't break into his usual lopsided grin after the statement. It makes Soobin’s blood go cold. "What?" 

The utterance is reflexive, but Kai answers it all the same, "I'm a ghoul... We all are actually."

Soobin has no idea how to make sense of the instinctual reaction of his body. Before his brain even finishes processing the statement, he is halfway across the kitchen. Some part of him is aware that Kai doesn't move from his seat, that the younger actually begins to cry, but that doesn't stop his nervous system from entering fight or flight mode. He races into the living room where Taehyun and Beomgyu sit on the couch, faces scrunched in confusion at his sudden appearance. He pays them no mind, feet pounding straight across the space to the other doorway that he saw Kai leave through earlier. The hallway is pitch-black when he enters and Soobin knows that he should slow down to keep from injuring himself, but his mind is too preoccupied with holding himself together at the seams.

Soobin wonders how terrible he must have been in his past life to not only be cast aside by his own parents before he was old enough to even remember their faces, bullied to the point where he was forced into silence for most of his childhood, but also have the only person to ever befriend him turn out to be a goddamn human eating monster. 

He had been foolish to believe that once he graduated high school he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. He's lived his entire life on the outskirts of society, of acceptance and help. Of course his fate is predestined for pain and misery; it was only a matter of time before it was brought to a torturous finish. And it's only fitting that it is by the hands of someone he loves. 

It's so unfair that tears sting the edges of his vision, the feeling more familiar than devastating, the sinking of his heart, the constricting of his chest. He does his best to ignore the very unraveling of his soul as he powers through the dark space at full speed, hands out in front to help him stay aware of his surroundings. His palms come in contact with his first obstacle so abruptly that he can feel the burn in his wrists beneath the bandages as he desperately drags his fingers across the surface to identify it. He nearly breaks into sobs when he discovers a door handle, twisting it and slinging the door open.

He won't let it end like this.

He can't.

Bright light filters into the space and he winces from the abrupt transition before slamming the door shut behind him. He frantically searches for something to jam it with, spotting a chair closeby and dragging it by its legs as fast as he can. He props it below the knob, not bothering to wait to make sure it can actually hold his captors back. He spins on his heels to fully analyze the space, realizing that it's a small break room. Just opposite of the door he came from is an entry way with a beaded curtain that he recognizes as the same one at the laundromat. His chest aches from the sudden overexertion, but loud bangs against the door behind him propel him through the beads. 

He notes three things in that moment.

Number one: curtains have been drawn on the massive storefront windows, blocking out any indication of sun or life on the other side.

Number two: the room is completely silent aside from his loud, ragged breaths.

Number three: Yeonjun is in the opposite corner of the laundromat.

They lock eyes for less than a second. 

It registers that this could be Soobin’s last day alive when the ghoul notices that Soobin is all alone, gaze narrowing. 

He decides to make sure he goes out with a bang. 

He launches himself over the counter, beelining straight for the front door, at the same time that the sharp, cracking sound of wood splitting fills the room. He can hear Yeonjun closing their distance easily and he pushes his body to its limit, chest heaving painful breaths. His fingers barely graze the push bar of the door before he is body slammed to the nearest surface on his left. His shoulder makes contact with the wall hard enough to create a dent in the sheetrock, the entire building protesting the bang.

Yeonjun’s breath is hot against his cheek as he cages Soobin between his arms, hissing, “I don’t know what the _fuck_ Ning sees in you, just know that he’s the only reason I’m not going to kill you right now.”

As his headache from earlier comes back full force, Soobin tries to recall all of the steps in the CCG's 'Guide for Handling Ghoul Encounters'.

  * **_Keep calm._** _It gets more excited when it’s target expresses extreme emotion, whether that be anger or fear. Do your best to keep a straight face and level tone._



"I’m surprised; it's not like your kind to have morals," Soobin bites, pressing his left palm into the wall to try and get leverage. He needs to create space, he needs to- what’s the next step?

  * _**Don't let it get close.** The further, the better. It is quick and, once it has you in it’s vicinity, it will not let you leave._



As if to emphasize the irony of the second step, Yeonjun leans onto Soobin, trapping his body against the wall, forcing him to stare at his panicked reflection in the blacked out windows, "We learn from the best." His brain feels like it’s trying to tear into two as he begs the overworked muscle to remember the stupid tips he had been taught since he was a kid.

  * **_If it is close, aim for its eyes._** _A ghoul’s body is not easily injured, however, it’s eyes, nostrils, ears and lips are extremely susceptible to damage._



Soobin abruptly turns in the ghoul’s arms, slamming his back against the wall and using the momentum to drive his right hand forward, fingers pointed for Yeonjun’s eyes. The ghoul simply tilts his head to the side, easily dodging the pathetic attempt at an attack. “Are you fucking kidding me? You want to die, don’t you?” Yeonjun accuses Soobin, hand moving to catch his wrist.

“That’s all you animals think about!” Soobin tries to evade the capture by darting out of his reach.

He doesn’t make it far. “Animals?” Yeonjun snarls, foot shooting out and tripping the other. Soobin barely has time to catch himself, ripping the skin of his wrists afresh, before he’s roughly flipped onto his back. His head makes contact with the tile so aggressively that he nearly blacks out. Yeonjun easily straddles his waist and restrains his wrists with only one hand in Soobin's moment of lightheadedness. “You think you’re any better than us?” Soobin is forced to look up, body trembling despite his best efforts when he takes in the ghoul’s bright red irises and blackened sclera. They’re more terrifying than any of the diagrams in his biology books. “You think you deserve to live more than us?” Yeonjun leans forward, adding pressure on Soobin’s abused wrists that lay beside his head, and the human starts tearing up. “What makes you think you’re so goddamn special?”

  * **_Go limp once it starts attacking._** _Most ghouls hunt for fun and will leave your body if you stop reacting._



Soobin can’t help thinking that whoever wrote the guide left out the fact that being this close to a ghoul is debilitating, that your body reacts at its own will, that you'd rather give in and die than keep fighting. It makes it easy to understand why so many people stop trying, easy for Soobin to follow the same route. The sound of swaying beads smacking into each other fills the room, but Soobin doesn’t dare look away. “Hyung! Get off of him, you’re going to hurt him!” Beomgyu says from somewhere nearby and Soobin wants to tell him to quit the act, that he knows what they are, what they really want with him.

“He shouldn’t have been dumb enough to leave the back,” Yeonjun growls in response, staring so deeply into Soobin’s eyes that he wonders if the ghoul can see his soul. “Your brain must be fucked. You do realize that you ran away from the only people keeping you alive?”

“If I am going to die, I at least want it to be on my own terms.”

His voice takes a sickeningly sweet tone when he mocks Soobin’s shaking voice, “On your own terms, huh? What about us? Are we not supposed to have a say in how we die too?”

“Your kind does nothing but kill innocent people and destroy families,” Soobin grits out, not even bothering to hold back his tears anymore, “You shouldn’t even have the right to breathe the same air as us.” 

“This is why I _hate_ humans-”

“Yeonjun hyung!” A warning from Beomgyu again. “Stop it! Please!”

“All of you are the exact same! You’re so damn hypocritical and self absorbed-”

“-Ning, wait-”

In the span of one painful breath, a shadow flies over Soobin and ragdolls the ghoul away from him. The human weakly lolls his head to his left to find Kai with his right knee directly between Yeonjun’s shoulder blades, firmly pressing the ghoul belly down on the floor. Kai simply says, filling the pocket of silence that ensues, “He’s scared.” He holds Yeonjun’s neck in a death grip, fingers pressing so harshly that all the color is removed in them, “You’re making it worse.”

Despite being immobilized, Yeonjun’s hatred filled glare still makes Soobin shiver when it focuses on him. “He doesn’t deserve your sympathy,” he spits as he plants his palms on the ground in a push up position, preparing to get up. “He’s just like the rest of them.”

“That’s for me to decide,” Kai moves his left foot up to step on the older ghoul’s hand, keeping it in place. “Beomgyu, get him out of here.”

No one moves. 

“Beomgyu. Now.” His voice wavers so much that it makes Soobin look up, eyes widening at the sight of Kai’s pink, tear streaked face. Even though Soobin knows that they are ghouls and therefore don’t have the same emotional capacity as humans, Yeonjun’s features morph into an expression that Soobin can only describe as... pity. He can’t bear to watch either of them pretend to feel something, staring at the curtains behind them instead.

Beomgyu’s voice is gentle, so quiet that Soobin has to strain to hear him, “We need to put him out first.”

“No," Kai croaks, "He just needs time.”

“I know. We’ll give him time. But, right now, he's hysterical.” 

“He doesn’t mean anything he’s saying, I promise,” Kai sounds small when he repeats, “He’s really scared.”

Another set of feet enter the room and Soobin turns his head to find Taehyun holding a brown bottle and something small in his hands, “We know. This still needs to be done to make sure we can get him into the back without any issues.” 

He passes the items to Beomgyu who then asks, “Can you hold him for me?” 

Taehyun nods soundlessly and, before Soobin can even think about trying to run away again, his head is securely clasped between the ghoul’s hands. He stares up at Taehyun, not realizing he is still crying until the ghoul says, “Relax. It hurts more if you tense up.”

Beomgyu appears at his side, seeming apologetic, “I would usually inject this in your arm, but your veins are severely shrunken due to stress and dehydration.” There’s a clinking noise as he places something into the bottle and it isn’t until he removes the needle that Soobin registers that he’s going to be drugged. Soobin's arms start to lift to try and resist, but Beomgyu is already pressing the cool metal tip into the delicate skin of the human's neck. “Breathe in.” Soobin obeys reluctantly, staring into Taehyun’s eyes with pupils blown wide from fear and adrenaline. “Out. Good job.” The medicine burns beneath the surface of his skin as Beomgyu empties the vial into him. “This might sting," Beomgyu swiftly removes the needle, applying pressure on the injection sight afterwards. "It'll feel a bit warm, but that’s normal. Just try and stay calm."

Taehyun loosens his hold on Soobin who lets his head drop back to his left, taking in Kai’s horrified expression with disgust and whispers, “... This is all your fault.”

The next time Soobin blinks, his eyelids grow too heavy to lift again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been burning me futbfrjsnk I hope you feel as many things as I did when I was typing this 😭 please share your thoughts below and stay healthyyyyy <333


	5. alone

Soobin wakes with a start, heart racing, adrenaline rushing through his veins, a sheer veil of sweat layered on his forehead.

It's dark. 

It's so dark that it takes five agonizing minutes of staring into the darkness for him to be able to make out his surroundings.

The first thing Soobin notes is that he is in a bed and, much to his disappointment, it is not his own. The creme colored sheets are worn and soft, and the pillow he had been laying on is still dented with the impression of his head.

He then glances to his left to see a nightstand with the silhouette of what looks like a lamp. He fumbles beneath the shade for a moment for the switch of the light fixture, illuminating the room in warm yellow light once he flicks it upwards. His attention returns to the night stand that he now sees has a glass of water, pills and paper on it. His trembling fingers graze over the small strip of paper, reading the scraggly handwritten message with a frown, **'Take these if in pain. If you need anything, just call. Beomgyu.'** Soobin bypasses the pills without a second thought, instead taking a large gulp from the glass and feeling a bit better already. He nurses the rest of his drink while surveying the remaining parts of the room. 

There is a small dresser opposite of the bed, a wooden desk just beside it and lots of papers pinned to the wall in front of it. They seem to be littered with red bubbles and underlining smearing through paragraphs at a time. His gaze skirts to the left side of the dresser to find a full length mirror and what seems to be the only door of the room. 

After a moment of contemplation, Soobin pushes the comforter off his lap and places his feet onto the floor. He should at least try to figure out where he is now and he has a feeling that the papers above the desk might have some type of indication as to what is going. He stands up, a bit wobbly and lightheaded, headache ebbing at the back of his subconscious. He waits until he feels stable enough to take his first step and grits his teeth at the tingles of pain that brush his nerves. 

He's not sure if it's the same pain from the first scuffle or if this is the result of his latest venture, but it hurts all the same. As a kid, injuries like this would have healed in no time. Soobin guesses his adult body isn't as resilient as it used to be. 

He makes his way over to the desk slower than he would have liked. Once he arrives, he examines the small wooden desk, gingerly pulling out the one drawer affixed to the piece of furniture. It’s filled with pens, highlighters and even more papers. The pages inside are mostly blank, but Soobin still shuffles them around until he spots one with something scribbled almost illegibly at the top.

**\- request file on Blackbird**

**\- missing files in birth records**

**\- enrolled as 'other'???**

**\- check index**

Unsure of what any of the statements mean, his eyes drift to the wall above the desk taking in the widespread of forms that closely mirror each other. On the upper left hand corner of each page, there is a picture; they are uniform, as if they are driver license photos, but sometimes there is a blank square. To the right of the picture is a name, some of them in quotations. Below that are the labels, ' **Class** ', ' **Age** ' and ' **Kagune Variation** '. Random letters like ' **A** ', ' **S-** ' and foreign looking terms (Is ‘ **ukaku** ’ even a word?) appear all throughout the different documents, making it nearly impossible to understand from a brief overview.

Just as Soobin goes to tear one of the documents off of its pin in the wall for closer inspection, the door opens to his left. He flinches instinctively, stepping back, wide eyes focused on the shadowed figure now filling the doorway. After a beat passes, he recognizes the silhouette as Beomgyu. The ghoul hovers in the doorway, a sympathetic expression etched on his face, "Oh, I didn't mean to scare you. I just thought I heard you wake up." Soobin has to bite his tongue to keep from blurting how creepy that is. “Hope you slept well. We're going to pick up some stuff from your apartment today."

Soobin blinks once then twice then a third time, "What do you mean pick up?"

"Well, we don't really have clothes that will fit you comfortably. And Hue- I mean, Kai said that having some of your own possessions around would probably make you feel better."

Wow. Even after admitting that he lied to Soobin all of their friendship about the fact that he is a goddamn man eating monster, the sophomore still has the audacity to act like he knows what Soobin feels. Like he knows what it's like to feel anything in the first place.

_Not he. It._

"I would feel better if I could stay home," Soobin snaps, corners of his mouth tugging down in an obvious display of discontent. 

Beomgyu winces, a little pained noise, as if _he_ is the prisoner here, "I'm sure you would... I’m sorry about-"

"Stop," Soobin interrupts Beomgyu, feeling so exhausted that angering the ghoul doesn't even phase him at this point. "You don't have to pretend around me anymore."

Beomgyu has been Soobin’s saving grace each time he's been injured. And for what? To prolong his suffering? To try and find his weaknesses? To get Soobin to let his guard down? To trick Soobin into believing Beomgyu will protect him?

The thought makes him sick.

Beomgyu tilts his head, round frames slipping down the slope of his nose, "Pretend?"

"Yeah."

"What are you talking about?"

"This whole 'I'm a good guy, you can trust me' act," Soobin air quotes, irritation clear in his tone, "It's getting old."

Beomgyu pauses, shoulders rolling back in defiance as he snaps, “I know that this entire thing hasn’t exactly been the most pleasant to experience. You are probably doubting a lot of the things that you thought you knew. But I'm not acting. I don't want to hurt you. None of us do." Soobin doesn’t reply and Beomgyu doesn't make him. "What I actually came to say was that your shoes are at the front door. You can shower at your apartment if you want. And then pack all the things that you want to bring back here. This will be your new room for the time being. Later tonight we'll make a list of the foods you like to eat and stock up the refrigerator for you."

"You're the only one coming?" 

The small fizzle of hope that had been crackling within Soobin’s depressed state is extinguished when Taehyun appears just behind Beomgyu, "No. I am too."

"Ready?" Beomgyu asks; Soobin stays quiet. "Follow us then."

The two ghouls walk further down the hall with Soobin reluctantly trailing behind. It's yet another dark hallway, this time with four doors, two on either side, directly across from each other. There are no pictures or posters on the wall, nothing to indicate that people actually live here.

 _Because they_ ' _re not people._

It's a frightening awareness really, knowing that you're surrounded by the very beings that you were taught to avoid. Soobin remembers the short video clips they’d show in primary school, the emergency phone number jingle for the Commission of Counter Ghoul (“ _CCG-4-1-3! Call them if you’re in need!_ ”), the drills they would run in class. He remembers how no one took them seriously until one day in third grade a Special Class Investigator, a high rank of ghoul investigator that works at the CCG, showed up at Career Day. He wore a coat with a collar that obscured the lower half of his face and brought a weird looking briefcase that he let the students pass around while he spoke.

“Being a ghoul investigator isn’t just about having a job. It’s a way of living, an eternal vow to protect the vulnerable, because you know no one else will." The man’s voice was deep and rough, like the gravel Soobin would skin his knees on whenever Jaebeom tripped him on his walk home. “To be a ghoul investigator, you have to be willing to lose it all." 

Soobin blinked up at the man, big eyes sparkling, as he wondered how much more he had left to lose. It couldn't be much more than now, could it? Surely he could be an investigator too if that’s all it took?

"Does anyone know what a ghoul is?” 

Little hands shot straight up, but Soobin curled inward, broad shoulders attempting to shield his lanky form from attracting attention. It was a habit formed by the constant berating of his class and house mates, the never ending teasing about him being so uncoordinated and tall, so different from the rest. Sometimes he wishes he was strong enough to tell them that he couldn't help it, that he wants to shrink more than they could ever know. But he instead settles for creating a hump in his back and trying to compress his gangly limbs inward. 

The investigator doesn't notice though, proceeding to choose a child excitedly bouncing, “You, yes, you with the red shirt. What's your name?” 

"Jaebeom!"

"Okay, Jaebeom, what is a ghoul?"

“A really really bad guy that eats people!” the young child replied.

“Ah, Jaebeom,” the Special Class Investigator hummed, “you made the same mistake most people do.”

The boy’s cheeks puffed out in an angry pout, “What? No, I didn’t!” 

“Yes, you did. You forgot that ghouls aren’t people: they’re monsters.” Gasps circulated the room, small whimpers and murmurs creating a steady hum of noise. 

Soobin wasn’t a part of it though; he was too busy rubbing at the bandaid stretched across his knee, the skin beneath the fabric tingling. It’s kind of funny (not funny at all actually) how little time it took for Soobin to heal from the numerous scratches he got throughout the day at school, how his body recovered faster than his heart whenever Jaebeom told him that his mom left him because he was so ugly. Soobin scratched at the skin harder, ignoring the pain that followed after having that particular thought. 

The Special Class Investigator waited until the room got quiet again to speak, “But you’re not totally wrong. Ghouls do eat people.”

“Why!?”

The girl next to Soobin leaned behind him to pass the briefcase to the guy beside him instead. Soobin pretended not to notice.

At the front of the classroom, the Investigator answered, “Because they like to hurt people.”

“Even little kids?” another small voice asked fearfully.

“It doesn’t matter to a ghoul if the person is a baby, or adult; it just eats. It will eat your mom, your dad, your little sister, your little brother and then it will eat you too.” 

Soobin vaguely remembers the class erupting into tears and wails after that statement, how the ghoul drills became so much more serious, how scared Soobin was to walk the streets from his group home to the bus stop, even in broad daylight. If only he had known just how bad his circumstances would be all these years later. He doesn't let himself linger on the idea long, too preoccupied with the current fear at hand to relive a childhood one.

They pass by the doorway of the kitchen where Soobin peeks inside, catching a glimpse of silver hair that sends a shiver down his spine. He tries not to dwell on the fact that Yeonjun is so close to him after repeatedly threatening to kill him mere hours before. Instead he busies himself by putting on his shoes that have magically reappeared by the door in the 'living room'. The coffee table is clean now, no longer littered by medical supplies or papers. The couch, however, is still covered with a sheet, pillow and blanket thrown askew on the cushions. 

Soobin can't help wondering if it is from his prior sleeping arrangement or if one of them had slept there last night. But then he reminds himself that it doesn't matter, that he shouldn't care about how a ghoul slept last night or if he hurt their feelings or how much he wishes he could talk to Kai right now. 

The only thing that matters is escaping.

"Don't try anything while we're out," Taehyun casually says to Soobin as he steps into his shoes, "What I mean by that is don't talk to anyone that isn't us while we're out. Even if they speak to you first. Also don't think about trying to run away; we will catch you." He pulls at the brim of his cap, then proceeds to hand Soobin his own white one he had been wearing the night that his life came crumbling down, "Put this on."

Soobin snatches the item away, inspecting it to see that it had been relatively unharmed from all the chaos that took place. No more words are exchanged once he puts the hat on and walks through the dark doorway. Soobin pushes the laundromat door open and breathes in his first breath of fresh air in the past 72 hours, sun warming his skin in a way that makes him want to bask in it.

He decides to take the long route to his apartment in order to do just that, secretly hoping that someone will notice the two deadly beings passing by them on the sidewalk. But no one cowers away in fear or comes to his rescue or even spares a glance their way. Soobin’s stomach twists at the thought that he has probably been guilty of the same cluelessness, can't bring himself to be angry at anyone but himself.

They arrive at his apartment building without any delays and Taehyun uses Soobin's key to unlock the doors of his place, salt on the gaping wound that is Soobin’s loss of freedom. Once inside, however, the familiar and comforting scent of his apartment sloughs away some of his anxiety.

"Take your time," Beomgyu says after the door is locked behind them, sitting down at the only table in the space, "We'll be ready whenever you are."

Soobin hates that it sounds like Beomgyu is doing something kind for him, thinks about telling the ghoul off for doing so but he decides it's not worth the argument, choosing to ignore the ghoul entirely.

It takes a while for Soobin to begin the packing process, overwhelmed by the fact that he has no clue how long he will be gone nor what to pack for. After a lot of pacing and rummaging through his things, he manages to cram all his worn out jeans and shorts into a spare backpack and then throws a mix of jackets, shirts and hoodies into his hand me down suitcase that Sooyoung gifted him after he aged out. The little spikes of pain that accompany each step as he drifts around his room make him grit his teeth in frustration until he remembers that he has pain medicine somewhere in his bathroom.

He glances towards the seated ghouls who act as if they weren't just intensely watching him. "I'm going to take a shower," he says, not asking for permission but rather making them aware.

Beomgyu bobs his head soundlessly while Taehyun hums in acknowledgement.

Soobin snags a shirt and a soft pair of sweats from his remaining pile of clothes to change into then enters his bathroom. He turns the water in the shower on and lets the steam build as he rifles through his bathroom cabinets to find the tiny orange prescription bottle.

"Okay, this is a suppressant. It is the only medicine that he can take for pain," Dr. Kim explained slowly to Sooyoung who wore a dark expression for the first time since he met her. 

Throughout the entire week, the young boy had complained of an incessant headache that felt like it had no way to be satisfied to his group home care taker. It was all behind his eyes, somewhere in his brain, and the pain was becoming so unbearable that he couldn't even get up for school that particular day. Sooyoung rushed him to his doctor within an hour. 

"He's so young. Is it safe for him to be taking pills like this?" Sooyoung quietly inquired, careful to keep her voice low as Soobin writhed around on the examination table. 

Dr. Kim waved his hand dismissively, "He’s been through worse." 

Soobin has always gone to Dr. Kim, no matter what group home he’d been tossed into, another extremely welcomed constant aside from Sooyoung. He wasn’t the nicest, or funniest, but he always made sure Soobin left feeling better than when he came.

Dr. Kim tapped two oblong, yellow capped pills into his palm then filled a small water cup from the little station in the room, "Soobin," Soobin reluctantly turned towards the voice. "Take these. Drink a lot of water and then put one in and swallow like normal. Don't chew them, just swallow." He handed the items to little Soobin who warily eyed the medicine. Dr. Kim then brought his attention back to Sooyoung, handing the orange bottle to her, "Make sure he always has a bottle in his possession. Nothing else will work on him." 

Within minutes of ingesting the medicine, Soobin's headache dissipated and he was cleared to leave. The entire ride to his group home, Sooyoung was quiet, only speaking up once they arrived at the front door, "These are your special pills, okay?" She brushed at his bangs then cupped his cheeks softly, "No one else can know about them, alright?"

Soobin nodded eagerly, saying with squished cheeks, "I know."

Sooyoung smiled, something sad and bitter, "... You're such a good kid," she gave his cheeks a little squeeze, "But you already knew that, didn't you?"

The memory makes him almost choke up as he washes down two pills from his nearly empty bottle with cupped hands full of water. Dr. Kim was right, even all these years later; these pills are the only ones ever able to soothe his raging headaches that come once in a blue moon. He shakes out his wet hands into the sink, glancing up only to freeze at the sight of his reflection. 

The first thing his eyes land on is the gaping split of his skin, stretching from his temple to cheekbone on the right side of his face. It's swollen, crusted edges bruised yellow and purple, and wide open. So wide open that Soobin thinks he can see the tearing of muscle and skin, where the two layers separate beneath the surface and feels acid rolling in his stomach. His left cheek isn't as damaged, but it is red and splotchy, probably from the direct contact on the wall yesterday. The circles beneath his eyes are a deep, dark purple, evidence of his exhaustion in both a physical and mental sense. His gaze drops down to his body to assess any further injuries, catching onto his left shoulder, visibly swollen and painful to move. The wraps of his bandaged wrists are no longer pristine and white, now colored with dried blood and dirt. 

Soobin's lip trembles. 

_Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?_

Soobin doesn't get it, doesn't want to give into the overwhelming pressure of self pity, but staring at his battered body makes him feel so weak and useless that he has to lean against the door to keep himself supported.

 _What did I do to deserve this?_ _All I wanted was a friend; someone to care for me the way that I care for them. I_ _s that too much to ask?_

Sooyoung would've scolded Soobin for thinking so hopelessly, would've wrapped him up tight enough to bring him back to earth. She would've let Soobin cling to her desperately, knowing that this was the only physical touch he would receive throughout the week. She would've carded her fingers through his bangs soothingly, would've let him cry without speaking. 

But Sooyoung isn't here.

No one holds Soobin as he shakes and chokes on cries. 

No one scolds Soobin for wishing away his existence. 

No one does anything at all because Soobin has never had anyone to begin with.

The realization hurts, an ache felt so deep within Soobin that he doesn't bother to try to hold back his sobs anymore. Once the first tear breaks free, the rest follow in an unbroken stream. Soobin bends forward pressing his palms to the counter, tremors rippling through his body, knees going weak. His head hangs low, unable to face his reflection, and he can only blame himself for it all.

If he hadn't wanted so desperately to be loved, to love others, none of this would have happened. 

Life could have been simple.

Soobin could have never looked over at Kai that day. He could have never returned a shaky smile when the younger beamed up at him. He could have pretended to not have heard Kai's calling. Or lied and said he was too busy to catch a coffee. Or done anything else aside from hanging out with the weird freshman kid that wouldn't leave him alone.

**_you were too weak._ **

The thought is not his own, too mocking, humiliating and shameful to have been produced from his self pity nature, but he believes it all the same. Because it is true; he was too weak to resist the temptation of friendship. 

He wanted someone to care if he didn't show up to class, to spam his phone whenever he was running late, to be disappointed whenever he forgot an assignment. He wanted late night texting sessions, group meals and the laugh-so-hard-that-you-cry experiences so bad that he caved. He opened his heart for the first time since he was a child and let Kai make a home in it. 

And now here he is, a sobbing mess in his bathroom all alone.

**_this is what happens when you let others in. will you allow it to happen again? will you allow another person to ruin you?_ **

He won't.

**_are you sure?_ **

Yes.

**_then stop crying._ **

Like a light switch, Soobin's tears transform from a never ending onslaught to a light trickle. He rubs at his eyes repeatedly, swiping away tears so harshly that the skin becomes sore, but he keeps swiping until they're dry. He straightens up slowly, slipping out of his clothes, skin itching for a shower.

Not wanting to give Beomgyu an excuse to be close to him again, he showers carefully around the bruises and bandages. It's a tedious task, but the warm water melts away some of his frustrations. 

He doesn't have much first aid equipment at home, but he pours some alcohol on the open wounds and applies ointment on the smaller marks once he finishes drying off. The split on his cheek is the worst sensation of them all, burning so deep that Soobin stops breathing, eyes squeezing shut in an attempt to process the pain. It's a reminder of his newfound promise, the proof of what happens when he lets people get close. He forces himself to endure it.

After the careful inspection and treatment of each of the wounds he can see, he tugs on his clean shirt and sweatpants. When he leaves the bathroom, he makes sure to tuck his prescription into his dirty clothes and jam them into the corner of his suitcase for safekeeping. 

He doesn’t look at Taehyun and Beomgyu, an impressive feat given the fact that his apartment is a literal shoebox, as he walks to his kitchen and rifles around his fridge to find something to eat.

Beomgyu doesn't allow himself to be ignored for too long though, "You live alone?"

"Yes," Soobin answers curtly, head ducking to survey his disappointing refrigerator.

"Do you like it?"

Soobin switches to his freezer, spotting a lone hot pocket in the back, "Yes."

"You don't get lonely?"

"No," he retrieves the frozen rectangle, closing the freezer door with a slam. He rips open the packaging, places the hot pocket into the microwave and taps out the cooking time before clicking start. 

There’s a pause that makes Soobin think that the conversation is over. But then Taehyun is speaking, “Because Kai was here a lot?”

“... I guess,” Soobin says after a beat.

“Do you miss your family?” Beomgyu asks quietly.

Soobin rips off a paper towel, "No."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"Do they live close to here?"

"No."

"Oh... Where are they-"

"I don't know."

"Huh?"

"I. don't. know," Soobin glares at the decreasing microwave display. 

"... What does that mean-" 

"Gyu. Drop it," Taehyun seems to read the room quickly, noticing the way that Soobin’s shoulders raise to his ears.

The microwave beeps and Soobin slings the door open, wrapping his dinner in the paper towel. He blows on a corner impatiently then bites down, savoring the warmth and flavor. His headache is minimal now, just consisting of occasional spikes, and he feels like he can finally breathe. 

The silence that falls over the room is music to Soobin’s ears as he takes his time packing up the rest of his things. He winds up tossing all of his shower things into a plastic bag and then finishes up by stuffing a blanket from his bed into his suitcase and zipping it shut. Once done, he sets his bags onto the ground and clears his throat, "I guess I'm packed."

Beomgyu and Taehyun share a look as they rise to their feet. "Alright. Let's head out," Taehyun announces then moves towards Soobin's belongings. Before he can protest it, Taehyun has his backpack hanging on his shoulder and the plastic bag in hand. Beomgyu is right behind him, grabbing hold of his suitcase and blanket. 

"We don't want you to strain yourself. You've been through quite a lot already," Beomgyu says for no reason in particular other than to soothe Soobin’s frantic thoughts, "Just keep your head down when we're outside."

Soobin does just that as he walks torturously slow in front of the ghouls, wishing on every deity he can conjure in his mind to send help his way.

When they arrive at the laundromat, there are actually customers inside and behind the counter is Kai, a notebook laid onto the small desk, slouching in his chair so badly that Soobin finds himself scolding the younger from habit, "Yah, you're gonna make yourself shrink sitting like that. Sit up straight!"

The moment that Kai's eyes widen, Soobin knows he made a mistake, but he obeys the command regardless. He doesn't say anything though, and for that Soobin is grateful. 

He rounds the counter, bypassing the younger and heading through the bead curtain. There is no longer a door separating the living space from the laundromat due to the fact that Taehyun and Beomgyu broke through it in order to reach Soobin. In its place is a plain black curtain that he pushes aside to enter the dark hallway. 

Much to Soobin’s discomfort, Taehyun and Beomgyu insist on carrying his bags all the way into the room he'd woken up to that morning. 

"The bathroom is down the hall, to the left. It's small, but everything works. You can leave your things in there if you want," Taehyun explains just as they go to leave the room. "Also, you can write down whatever you like to eat and Beomgyu will give it to whoever is going out tonight."

Soobin doesn't respond, staring at the two ghouls blankly until they pull the door shut behind themselves. As soon as they are gone, he yanks the comforter off the bed and drapes it over the mirror in the corner, careful not to catch a glimpse accidentally. 

**_you're the only one you can trust._ **

And Soobin believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really love writing this bc I LIVE for angst so strap yourselves in for a long ride >:))) I was afraid that not many people would find it interesting, but you all have proven me wrong so thank you for all the comments and kudos and twt dms; they mean the world to me.
> 
> also if any of the changes in bold, italics or underlining is confusing, just know that it will probably start to make sense in a bit so bare w me :")


	6. for what?

"It should be a short procedure," Beomgyu concludes, gentle fingers grazing over the tender skin, "Six stitches will be enough to pull the skin together and encourage faster healing."

"Stitches?!" Soobin glares up at the ghoul above him. "What the hell? You said that it was healing just fine on its own!"

"You want it to close, don't you?" Taehyun switches between three different laptops, concentrating on them so hard that Soobin is surprised that he is able to listen to them bicker at all.

"Yeah, but not because of stitches,” Soobin grumbles bitterly.

Beomgyu is careful as he tilts Soobin's head further to the left, "If we don’t close the wound now, the skin will die off. Besides, you'll be numb; you won't even know what’s going on."

"Are you qualified to be playing doctor?"

Almost all of the medical care Soobin has received in the time he has been locked up here has come from Beomgyu alone. They never once took him to a regular hospital or had someone visit to check up on him, but he has healed considerably without any outside assistance. Although Soobin would rather not be cooped up here at all, he is glad that the nicest ghoul (that hasn’t betrayed him) is the only one who seems to have some sort of medical knowledge. He’s probably seen and spoke to said ghoul more than the others because of that.

"My mom trained me in everything she knows. I'm more than qualified to put in some measly stitches."

Soobin rolls his eyes, pulling out of Beomgyu's grasp, "You getting mommy's stamp of approval isn't enough for me."

"Well, this is a great time to remind you that your opinion doesn't matter," Yeonjun snaps as he enters the kitchen, “Beomgyu is going to do whatever he finds to be best regardless of whatever you think.”

Soobin scoffs at the ghoul, refusing to be intimidated, “Not if it’s on _my_ body.”

In the month since Soobin was forcibly relocated, he’s gotten considerably more comfortable with aggravating and agitating his captors. Maybe it’s because of the constant affirmations from Beomgyu (“We really don’t want to hurt you. Trust me.”), or perhaps from the occasional outbursts of understanding from Taehyun (“I get it. This is the last place you want to be.”), or even due to Kai’s soft ramblings whenever Soobin accidentally leaves his room while the younger is out (“You have every right to hate me, hyung... That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”) No matter the cause, Soobin no longer hesitates to talk back. It’s not like he has much left to live for anyways. Why not live life on the edge?

Yeonjun squints at Soobin with a look that has murder written all over it, “I don’t think I asked-“

“-You didn’t have to-“

“-Watch your mouth, Choi-“

“- _Make me_ -“

“Why is he even in the kitchen?” Yeonjun turns to Beomgyu, jaw clenched. 

Soobin starts to say that the ghoul can just talk to him directly since he _is_ sitting right here after all, but Beomgyu answers with a small apologetic smile, “I asked Soobin-ssi to sit in on our debrief today.”

“And why the hell would you do that?”

"I thought that we should get to know each other better-"

"Why do that when I could ignore his existence?"

"Ignoring each other isn't going to bode well for the future. I figured that the first way to bridge this gap of misunderstanding is through hearing each other out."

"I’ll pass," Soobin and Yeonjun glare at one another, both shocked and repulsed by the fact that they spoke in sync.

“Hyung, re-education is the best way to change someone's mindset,” Taehyun glances up from his array of screens to tell Yeonjun, "One human learning what ghouls are really like can lead to a bigger impact than you think."

Soobin goes to speak just as Yeonjun demands, "He can only stay here if he shuts up."

"Hyung!"

"I'm serious, Beomgyu."

Soobin turns back to his computer, "It's not like I wanted to be in here anyways-"

"See, that shit right there. If he does that shit, I'm gonna-"

"-What? What are you gonna-"

"Soobin-ssi," Taehyun firmly calls, making Soobin pause in his taunting, "Yeonjun hyung is trying to ask if you can listen while he debriefs us on his work for the day. It will be less than 20 minutes. Is that okay with you?"

Although Soobin would rather see the angry red flush rise up Yeonjun’s neck from being openly defied, he kisses his teeth, sighing out, “I guess. This lecture is probably more interesting than whatever he has to say anyways.”

Taehyun speaks over whatever comment Yeonjun snarls, “Okay, hyung, it’s all you.”

Soobin smirks when the older ghoul actually lets the argument go ( _Soobin - 4, Yeonjun - 3)_ to ask Taehyun, "Any updates on the Nutcracker's hideout?"

Taehyun’s gaze drops down to his screens uneasily, "Nothing I feel confident about. Her hunting grounds are pretty widespread; they linked her last two feedings to be on," he clicks a few times, "24th and 31st street."

Soobin scribbles down some bullet points from his professor's powerpoint while Beomgyu leaves him alone at the kitchen table to approach the other ghouls, "Didn’t you talk to her last known contact?"

Yeonjun nods, lips pursed, "Yeah. But, by the time I got to him, he was too out of it to provide anything worth investigating. The rest of the ghouls nearby cleared out as soon as I said her name." He rakes a hand through his silver locks, leaning on the counter to stare at Taehyun’s screens, "What ward is she originally from?"

"Six-"

Kai enters the kitchen still in pajamas and rubbing his eyes, "No, fifth."

"Source?" Taehyun requests.

"Read it in a CCG report about the attack on 24th Street last night." Soobin perks at the mention of the ghoul hunting agency, listening more closely. "The investigators questioned a low level ghoul. He said she stole his territory because of a grudge over hunting grounds in the fifth ward, her home ward, and then disappeared to the first ward about six months ago."

"Okay, so we go to fifth ward tonight," Yeonjun turns to the countertop to grab a coffee bag.

Despite having agreed to only listen for the next 20 minutes, Soobin finds himself saying, "You know you can get addicted to that stuff if you drink it every day, right?"

Beomgyu laughs, retrieving four mugs from a cabinet, "Yeah, that's kind of the point."

"What?" Soobin's nose wrinkles, "You want to be addicted to that?"

Kai joins Soobin at the kitchen table, but Soobin doesn't spare him a glance. Beomgyu grabs a jar filled with what looks like brown sugar cubes, "Mm. I mean I don't want to, but it’s the only way we can live the way we want."

"Which is?"

"With a clear conscience," Beomgyu disperses two cubes in each of the mugs. 

Soobin narrows his gaze, "How? You literally eat people to survive."

"Okay, yes but," Beomgyu starts to explain, no longer taking Soobin's spiteful comments to heart (probably from overexposure), "We get our food from a trusted, humane source-"

"You _eat_ people," Soobin emphasizes, "There's no humane way to eat a living person."

"You're right," Taehyun surprises Soobin with an abrupt reply, "Which is we don't eat people while they’re alive or hunt."

That’s a bold claim. Ghouls _have_ to eat people in order to live; it’s a known fact. Ghoul biology taught Soobin that eating one person per month can sustain a ghoul, but they often choose to terrorize people by eating more than enough to satisfy their hunger. It makes Soobin wary even now as his brow furrows, "Then how do you eat?" 

"We get our food from Yeonjun’s job. They find people who have voluntarily given up their bodies or scavenge animal remains if there's no human bodies available."

"Voluntarily gave up their bodies?"

"They completed suicide," Yeonjun says plainly and Soobin blinks in response.

They eat people who complete suicide? That's still terrible. They were people after all; they had souls, memories, dreams and experiences. They didn't give permission for their bodies to be disturbed after death. They don't deserve to be used in such an awful way. 

Soobin doesn't have a chance to voice these thoughts because Taehyun continues, "Yeonjun hyung gets a monthly amount of food and rations it to us. If we finish our portion before the next re-up, we resort to coffee with some temporary hunger suppressants." 

"Hunger suppressants?"

Beomgyu holds up one of the small cubes he had been putting in each mug, "Keeps us from starving and going crazy."

"In that order," Kai adds.

Soobin stares at the suspicious cube, unsure as to how something so tiny can have any effect, "What's in it?"

"You're in college, aren't you?" Yeonjun deadpans, pouring hot water over the ground coffee beans methodically, "I'm sure you can use context clues."

His imagination formulates an unpleasant image of human meat compacted into the small object and his stomach lurches. “Why can’t you just eat regular food like everyone else?” 

“It’s disgusting,” Yeonjun says like it's so blatantly obvious and Soobin glares at him hard enough to burn.

“ _And_ we can’t digest it,” Kai cuts his eyes at Yeonjun while explaining, “Our bodies can’t process human food without repercussions.” 

But Soobin has seen Kai eat food, has fed the younger with his own two hands more times than he can count. And he almost voices this thought until Beomgyu says, “Yeah, so we just wait for our suppliers.”

"What kind of place would willingly provide humans for consumption?" Soobin asks instead.

"The CCG."

Soobin barks out a laugh then realizes that they're all serious, "... What?"

"The Commission of Counter Ghoul," Taehyun elaborates, tapping away at his keyboard. 

"What the _fuck_ is a ghoul doing working for the CCG?" 

Yeonjun smirks, placing the kettle back onto its hotplate, "Being an investigator."

For the second time in the span of less than a month, Soobin's world is uprooted. "That's impossible," he says more to himself than the group of ghouls, "That’s against the law."

A ghoul working for the very force that has a mission of exterminating their kind? It doesn't even make sense. Besides, ghouls aren't allowed to work; right after the Great War, a law was added to the Ghoul Countermeasures Policies that banned the employment of ghouls in human society. Soobin had written countless essays about it throughout high school. There’s no way the government would allow-

"Actually, hyung,” Kai starts to explain, “it's fairly common for ghouls to work for the CCG. Especially in the first ward since we are the most peaceful out of all 13th wards after all." Soobin is pretty sure the mere existence of a ghoul is the literal opposite of peace, no matter where they are. "Yeonjun hyung has been doing this longer than most of the other ghouls around here though.”

Before Soobin can ask how long, Yeonjun is pulling the mugs Beomgyu laid out closer, filling them to the brim, "Why are we telling him anything anyways? He thinks we're animals."

There’s a brief uncomfortable silence while Yeonjun pushes the filled mugs towards each ghoul. They all huddle together at the island, cupping their drinks and taking tentative sips punctuated with thanks. In that moment, a firmly repressed memory from Soobin's Ansan group home comes flooding back.

Up until his very last day, Soobin had always been forced to eat separate from the group at meal times. Breakfast times were particularly miserable; he was subjected to drinking bitter black coffee and eating the same sausage sandwich each morning. He never asked why the choice of food or forced isolation, honestly thought it was best that he stayed away from the other kids as much as possible, but now the deeply buried memory demands to be unpacked.

"Well, he wouldn't be the first human to think that ghouls are animals," Beomgyu defends Soobin for some odd reason that Soobin doesn't want to decipher. He files both thoughts away with no want to return. "It isn't like _you_ tried to show him anything different."

"It's not my fault he ran."

"It's not my fault you _kidnapped_ me," Soobin growls.

Before Yeonjun can protest, Taehyun pipes up, "It is in our favor to try and get him to understand how our world works, hyung."

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, "It's not like he wants to be a part of it-"

"Geez, I wonder why," Soobin mutters under his breath, reeling from information overload.

"Are you seriously trying to whisper right now? Our hearing is ten times better than yours on your best day,” the silver haired ghoul gripes at the human angrily and Soobin’s eyes nearly pop out of his head, “So I'd suggest you watch your fucking-"

"That's enough, hyung," Kai interrupts Yeonjun in a small voice, "He didn't know. He won't do it again." Although the idea of obeying Yeonjun makes Soobin feral, he can tell that Kai is trying to diffuse the easily riled ghoul so he settles for a noisy huff that is equal parts fear and frustration. The youngest then specifies, "So... fifth ward tonight?"

Taehyun frowns, "I don't like the sound of that."

"It's the best place to start. We need to figure out what made her move to the first ward," Yeonjun counters.

"It's the ward that we have the least allies in."

"We'll be careful, Taehyunie," Kai assures the ghoul who seems dissatisfied with the conversation at hand, "If we arrive and leave before curfew hits, most ghouls won't even know we were there until we're already gone."

Nothing actually stops ghouls from hunting during broad daylight, but many of them prefer to kill during the cover of night. It's the reason that a human curfew is mandated for the most ghoul infested wards; the fifth ward is the worst of all with a curfew of nine pm. Since Soobin has always lived in the first ward, he's never had to experience one himself and doesn’t plan on doing so any time soon.

"What contacts do we have out there?" Yeonjun asks into his mug, taking a large gulp.

Taehyun is typing before the question is even finished, "Only Taehyung hyung and Jeongguk hyung. And they're on the north side. They haven't been active since the big raid six months ago."

Yeonjun grimaces, eyes trained on the screens again, "Taehyung hyung told me that Jeongguk hyung had gotten caught up in that mess. He was on bed rest for weeks..." 

Beomgyu interjects softly, "Don't blame yourself for any of that. You wouldn't have been able to warn them in time. _And_ your boss would’ve gone ballistic if he’d found out you helped a non investigator ghoul."

"Gyu is right," Taehyun agrees, concerned expression landing on the oldest ghoul, "Besides, they told you not to worry about them. They've been figuring this kind of stuff out since before we were born."

Yeonjun doesn't reply for a long moment, staring down into his mug as if there are answers in the dark liquid. The silence is weighty, pressing down on everyone in the room, and Soobin is grateful when Yeonjun eventually looks up from his drink, telling the youngest, "I'm patrolling today so be ready by seven pm," he turns to Beomgyu, "We should be fine this time around if we make it back early. Don’t worry about us tonight,” then to Taehyun, "Can you make a map with the shortest possible route from our place and theirs? I need it done before six so I can pass it off to Seo."

And just like that, their morning meeting ends. Yeonjun finishes his coffee, drops his mug into the sink and leaves without any further comment. Kai follows soon after, saying goodbye to everyone and looking like a kicked puppy when Soobin ignores him again. 

As always, Taehyun and Beomgyu remain in the kitchen and Soobin tries to focus on his lecture, but questions are racing through his mind faster than he can pin down.

_A ghoul working for the CCG... How is that allowed?_

The simple answer would be that it _isn't_ allowed. What they're doing is illegal.

And that's scary because if the CCG is the only one who protects the people and they're lying to the public, then what about every other business in the city?

Knowing that his every interaction, from his late night Google sessions to his emails with professors, is monitored by his captors, Soobin has begun relying on his critical thinking much more.

But the question is too big for him to answer, too many answers in too many places, and he's too paranoid to search it up. So he doesn’t get much work done today, zoning out in every design lecture and unable to get through any of his assigned readings. Luckily night comes quick and brings with it Soobin's usual routine of watching YouTube in bed until his eyes are too heavy to keep open. But tonight, around ten pm, there's a loud crash from somewhere in the living room. It's so loud that Soobin jumps, even with his headphones on full blast and exhaustion tugging at his subconscious. 

He writes it off as one of the ghouls dropping something or a small scuffle and attempts to ignore it. But unease that feels instinctual makes him restless for five continuous minutes, pulling his gaze to the door again and again until he gives in. He throws his comforter off his lap, tosses his phone into the sheets and shuffles tentatively to the door, peeking into the dark hallway to see nothing out of place. He tiptoes out into the hall and rounds the corner of the living room to see-

"Kai," the name is out before he can think it through and the youngest looks up, half dazed.

The ghoul is holding a towel to his head that is soaked through in awful shades of dark red and brown. He is sandwiched between the couch and coffee table, sitting down with his legs splayed in front like a child. He doesn't seem fully present as he squints unsteadily at Soobin, mouth tightly closed, lips parched. 

"Just rip it out," Yeonjun croaks and Soobin realizes that the lump on the other side of the coffee table is the older ghoul. Beomgyu is hovering above him, blocking most of his upper body from view, but his nice slacks are dyed a deep crimson that reek of some unfamiliar nauseating smell that has Soobin using his t-shirt to breath through.

"I can't, hyung, you'll bleed out. We have to wait until-"

"-Dammit, Beomgyu!" Yeonjun gasps, the curse booming around in Soobin’s head, crashing into his own thoughts, "Just _rip this out_."

Soobin watches Beomgyu lean forward and realizes that he's pressing a towel into Yeonjun’s abdomen. He speaks calmly despite being yelled at, "Taehyun is going as fast as he can."

Kai makes a shrill vocalization and all heads snap over. "Kai," Soobin says again, this time his voice cracking, and the older ghouls notice his presence, "What's wrong with him?" 

Beomgyu shifts, repositioning so that he can watch Kai closely while still applying pressure to Yeonjun’s wound, "I haven't had a chance to examine him. I'm waiting for Taehyun. Don't worry, everything is under control. You should go back-"

"He’s _bleeding,_ " although human instinct tells him to run away, sheer willpower has his feet firmly planted in the ground, "Why aren't you doing something about it?"

Beomgyu’s lips twist into a frustrated frown, "Right now, hyung is losing the most blood. I have to keep pressure on his wound. Besides I need booster shots to kick start their metabolism, but I ran out so Taehyun is on his way to the headquarters."

_Shots? Like the one Soobin had been injected with?_

Another gargle comes from Kai and he starts to slump, breathing heavy. Soobin finds himself racing forward even as Beomgyu calls for him not to. He squats down, hand landing on top of the ghoul's bloodied one to help keep pressure on the cloth. Beneath his hand, the towel squelches, warm, soaked and heavy. Kai blinks up at him and Soobin avoids eye contact, turning to Beomgyu instead, "What happened?"

"Some stupid rebel gang found them,” Beomgyu grits out, eyes darting from Soobin to Kai to Yeonjun and back, “Too many members to count. They had to abandon the mission."

“A rebel gang?” It sounds like something out of a movie, something made up by one of the little kids in his group home, not a real life explanation as to why his dongsaeng is bleeding out in his arms. He struggles to accept it, “Why would a rebel gang attack them?”

In this position, Soobin can better see the upper half of Yeonjun, whose chest is heaving with extreme effort. He can also spot what Beomgyu is attempting to staunch and almost gags. 

Protruding from just under Yeonjun’s ribs is a dark purple, nearly black, hook shaped... _thing._

The only thing Soobin can compare it to is the stinger of a scorpion, but quadrupled in size and wriggling as if it’s alive. Beomgyu’s forearms shake with the effort of keeping it still, pressing a towel in a c-curve around the object to absorb the blood it forces out. The sight sends shivers down Soobin’s spine and he looks away only to make eye contact with Kai’s unfocused gaze.

“Never know,” Beomgyu grunts, using his shoulder to bump his sliding glasses back up his nose, “They probably banded together when they heard they were fighting doves. No real loyalty or purpose, just bloodthirsty.”

Something starts to simmer in Soobin’s stomach, something hot and ugly and angry, "For what? They hurt Kai for what?"

"For being a traitor," Beomgyu suddenly looks far older than his years, gaze lifting to meet Soobin’s disbelieving expression, “Just like the rest of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slow and steady wins the race, am I right? :")
> 
> thank you so much for taking the time to read <3 please leave kudos or yell at me in the comments about what you're thinking so far.
> 
> stay healthy and wash your hands!!


	7. a cruel fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: the tags say there is blood and violence. I write pretty graphically about their injuries. Please know that this book will contain the same amount of gore and violence expressed in this chapter in future updates as well so if that content is disturbing to you, I don't suggest reading any further!

"A traitor?" Soobin echoes, face contorting out of confusion, "How?"

Beomgyu stares down at his straining hands, "We're ghouls hunting ghouls. Killing each other just so some of us can survive. Siding with humans over our own, even when it hurts. We betray everything we were taught to coexist in this horrible fucking world and _this_ ," Beomgyu nearly growls the word and it occurs to Soobin that this is the closest to angry he has seen the ghoul, "is what happens to us: Pain. Torture. Loneliness."

"But you're doing the right thing-"

Beomgyu scoffs, mouth pulling into a bitter line, "It doesn't matter if we're all alone! No one gives a damn if we cry, get hurt or die!" 

When Beomgyu starts to tremble, it makes Soobin doubt a line fed to him since birth. As soon as he could talk, Soobin was taught that ghouls don't - _can't_ \- have emotions and he believed the statement wholeheartedly until he interacted with ghouls himself. He's seen glimpses of anger, fear, frustration, sadness and grief radiate from every ghoul in this household and they're just as valid as any of his own emotions. The realization makes him feel guilty for not believing those displays of emotion before.

Soobin looks down at Kai, really looks at him, reflecting on the last conversation the younger had attempted to initiate some time last week.

The knock on his door was quiet.

If Soobin wasn't already stuck awake, staring at the ceiling in thought, he may not have heard it.

But he did. It made him sit up, comforter sliding off his shoulders into his lap as he strained to hear any other noise. 

Another knock eventually came again, still quiet, but this time a bit longer.

Soobin concluded that it wasn’t Yeonjun or Taehyun; they opened his door as they pleased. Which left two other options: Beomgyu or Kai. Considering the fact that Beomgyu had attempted to check on Soobin at night before, he slowly got out of bed, preparing to snap at the ghoul for trying to do a midnight check up.

However, when a third knock came, Soobin stopped in his tracks. "Hyung?" Kai's voice was soft and uncertain.

Despite Kai already hearing him getting up, Soobin waited a long while before he muttered, "What?"

A small pause is then followed by, "Can we talk?"

"There's nothing for us to talk about," Soobin walked to the opposite side of the room, as if the ghoul was too already close, glaring at the door in annoyance. "You know that."

"Hyung-"

"Go away."

"I can't," the whisper was desperate, "I've been trying to give you space, but I can't take this anymore... Can I come in?"

"So you can sit here and lie to my face again? I'll pass."

"I _didn't_ lie to you," Kai hissed through the wood of the door, "I _won't_ lie to you. I just want to talk." Soobin didn't know what to say, didn't trust himself to speak. "You haven’t tried to have a conversation with me since you got here, hyung. "

The remainder only served to make Soobin angrier. His entire life had been postponed and rerouted and three weeks had passed without any intervention. His professors didn't question his transition to remote learning. His coworkers at the cafeteria hadn’t so much as dmed him on social media. No one cared enough to look for him. He was, as he always had been, alone. “Why are you telling me as if I don’t already know?” he bit back.

“Can we just talk? Ask me anything, I’ll answer it honestly! I swear-”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Kai,” Soobin scolded, sliding down the wall until he’s sat on the floor.

There was some shuffling outside the door, Soobin assumed it was Kai repositioning upon realizing that he wasn't going to be let inside the room, then a reply, “There’s no reason to hide anymore. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

Soobin tried to stay strong, didn’t want to expose his vulnerable state, but the weight of exhaustion and school burnout had his defenses down. “... Why me?” he asked softly, knees drawing to his chest, “Why’d you have to talk to me?”

“You used to walk into class last and leave first. You only looked up at the lecture slides. You never volunteered to answer questions or ask one of your own. You always seemed like you had a lot on your mind; maybe it was because your eyes would get all cloudy whenever you were in your head." Soobin had always been told that he was as easy to read as a book. He guessed that was still true even as an adult. "I just wanted to help you forget about thinking for a while. So I cracked a few jokes with you during class, waved at you whenever you came or left, did a finger heart whenever we linked eyes just to see you return one if I was lucky that day." Soobin smiles weakly at those long ago memories. "But I got greedy; I wanted to help you forget about whatever it was that made you get that distant look in your eye all the time. And then you offered to hang outside of class. I fought with Yeonjun hyung like crazy just to go to the library. I told him it would be a one time thing.” Soobin huffed at the idea of them only meeting once. He lost count after the first week they had begun meeting outside of class. “I realized halfway through the first semester that I was more excited to see you in class than to actually listen to the professor. I was over the moon whenever you invited me over to your apartment for the first time. When you got me the backpack I wanted for Christmas last year, I realized that _this_ is what it felt like to have a friend. After that... I got too scared to tell you what I really was, what my roommates were...”

For some reason it hurt more to know that Kai had pure intentions when talking to him. It hurt more to know that the ghoul had made it his personal mission to give Soobin some type of social interaction and wound up wanting his friendship. It hurt more than the idea that Kai only wanted to be friends so he could secure a meal. 

Because, no matter how irritated and betrayed Soobin felt recently, Kai still cared about him. It was undeniable in the way that Kai fought for him even when Soobin didn’t want or deserve his support; Kai cared enough about him to keep reaching out each and every day, even if he was ignored in the end. 

Kai _cared_.

But Soobin was too drained to acknowledge what that really meant. “You should’ve left me alone,” he whispered, shoulders shaking with each sob, “I would’ve be-been just f-fine on my o-own.” Soobin had been alone for the majority of his life; a few more years of isolation would have been bearable. “Y-you ruined m-my life.”

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Kai shakily replied, but Soobin shook his head furiously.

“Y-you _can’t_ apologize! You _can’t_ a-apologize like t-this is just some stupid mistake! You _can’t_! You ruined my life, K-Kai,” the words blur past whatever filter Soobi held previously, “I can n-never have a regular life a-again! I can’t even go o-o-outside! _You_ did that! A fucking apology d-doesn’t change that!”

“... I know it doesn’t-”

“Then l-leave me alone,” Soobin raised his voice, tears racing down his cheeks, “D-Don’t bother talking to m-me again.”

A bang from the direction of the laundromat abruptly brings Soobin back to the current moment. Taehyun appears seconds later, gripping a cloth sack to his chest tightly and dropping to Beomgyu's side. "I'm sorry, I went as fast as I could," Taehyun gasps, breathless.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Beomgyu is quick to scold the younger ghoul then instructs him to take his former position, “Don’t let it dig any deeper. It’s done enough damage.”

“Let me.”

The unfamiliar voice makes Soobin tighten his hold on Kai, eyes widening, as he takes in the two looming men in the doorway that Taehyun had just come through. They're around the same height, probably the most comparable to Beomgyu, but each give off a different vibe. The ghoul on the left has shoulder length black hair with a strong undercut and big eyes. He seems timid, expression tinged with sympathy as he looks down at the three young ghouls. To his right stands a ghoul with teal hair, messy and overdue for a haircut, and mouth set into a scowl. His gaze is on Soobin rather than any of the injured ghouls, dark eyes peering for something Soobin hopes he won’t find.

Soobin can't decipher their individual scents, but can pinpoint them collectively aside from the other ghouls scents he is accustomed to. They smell stronger than any of the others Soobin has encountered so far, muddying and overwhelming his senses like paint in a closed off room. It makes Soobin uneasy.

The long haired ghoul steps further into the living room, “I’ve been struck by this type of kagune before. I know how to keep it in place.” He kneels on Beomgyu’s opposite side and sets his hands directly atop of Beomgyu’s to allow him to trade places. 

Taehyun opens the sack in his grasp, passing off a syringe with clear liquid inside to Beomgyu who immediately uncaps the needle with his teeth. “Brace yourself, hyung,” Beomgyu warns and, before Soobin can look off, stabs the needle directly into Yeonjun’s chest. Yeonjun grimaces, mouth opening in a silent scream, as Beomgyu empties the syringe into his body and removes it in less than a few seconds. “I’ll go inject Kai so that way the meds can start working on both of them. Once it slows the bleeding, I’ll extract the claw,” Beomgyu says to the long haired ghoul quietly, “Keep an eye on him for me.”

Soobin curls Kai closer to him, hand still pressing down on the towel in his grasp, shaking so much that the ghoul vibrates with him. Kai is limp like a ragdoll and, if it wasn’t for Soobin’s right arm wrapped around the ghoul’s shoulder to keep him upright, Soobin wouldn’t be able to tell that he was breathing at all.

Beomgyu lowers down behind Kai with a new capped syringe in hand, “Thank you for your help, but now you need to go back to your room-”

“No.” 

Beomgyu’s mouth hardens into a line, “Soobin-ssi-”

“I’m not leaving.”

“You might get hurt-”

“I don’t care,” Soobin dares to look up from his deathgrip on Kai, “I don’t care if I get hurt. I’m not leaving him.”

Beomgyu holds Soobin’s gaze, searching for something Soobin doesn’t know until he sighs out, “Taehyung hyung, I’m sorry to ask so much of you, but can you restrain Kai with your kagune? He hasn’t eaten in a while and I’m afraid that the shot will activate his kakugans and he might try to bite Soobin-ssi.” 

Soobin isn’t able to wonder about what those words even mean before six scaled crimson tentacles are surrounding him and Kai. He yelps as they wrap tightly around Kai’s wrists, ankles, waist and neck, fighting back the urge to flinch away when they brush against the skin of his arm. They’re warm and pulsate like they’re alive and Soobin can’t help the repulsed look that covers his expression. He looks over at the teal haired ghoul that Beomgyu spoke to - _Taehyung -_ to see the base of the tentacles protruding out of what looks like his waist. They are completely smooth and glossy, almost glowing the closer they are to Taehyung’s body, each tentacle ending in a sharp point.

Soobin vaguely recalls his high school ghoul biology teacher explaining that ghouls can grow these things known as kagunes from different places along on their backs at their own will. They act like an extension of their bodies, able to be manipulated for whatever use the ghoul finds necessary. Although the technical names for each of the kagunes have been long forgotten in his vocabulary, Soobin remembers Taehyung’s kagune placement typically belongs to really, _really_ strong ghouls. The kind that would wipe out hundreds of Special Investigators in the news clips they’d show on TV after a massacre. Soobin tries not to show his mounting fear as Taehyung stares at the two of them with a thoughtful squint. 

Beomgyu seems unphased by the presence of the tentacles, simply uncapping the needle in his hand and whispering, “Sorry, Ningning, I know you hate needles.” Kai doesn’t reply, eyes glossy, but Soobin can feel his body stiffen when the tip of the needle touches his bicep. Though the shot is over in a few seconds, Soobin still presses against Kai comfortingly, ignoring the way that the tentacles flex and writhe beneath him. “Okay, that should slow down the blood a bit. I’m not going to tell you to leave, but I need you to let go so I can do a proper check up.” Soobin reluctantly releases his hold on his dongsaeng, watching the tentacles fully support him now. Beomgyu lifts the towel and frowns, “Hyun-ah, can you grab me some water? I need to wash this off.”

Suddenly, a cry comes from the other side of the table and everyone turns to watch Yeonjun’s face pinch tight, sweating pouring from his temples down the sides of his face. His jaw clenches so hard that the tendon pulls taunt, flexing, while his hands curl into fists at his side.

Everything in Soobin seems to also squeeze tight, despite the fact that a tiny part of him believes it serves his captor right. Yeonjun has put Soobin through so much trauma these past weeks, from the initial beating to the bullying and terrorizing each day since, that it only makes sense that he suffers in exchange. Yet Soobin finds himself genuinely concerned at the sight of Yeonjun convulsing on the floor a foot away from him. “What’s wrong with him?” he asks, but the question is swallowed by another poorly stifled cry from Yeonjun.

“I think you have to pull this out now,” the long haired ghoul looks up, a crease in his brow, “It’s going to tear something apart for good at this rate.”

Beomgyu curses, rising to his feet, “Taehyun, go get that water.” He rushes towards the hallway where their bedrooms reside, calling over his shoulder, “Rinse the blood and get the dried chunks out of the way so that you can see the wound. Try not to scrape anything. Then pour alcohol on it; we need to flush out the foreign material out and kill off infection before it festers. It should heal within a few minutes once the Rc cells reach his heart.” His footsteps pound around in Soobin’s head as Kai’s chest starts to rise and fall more deeply now. “He will probably try to pull away while you clean it. Taehyung hyung, please hold him tight.”

Taehyun takes the spot Beomgyu just had moments ago, a clean towel clasped in his hand alongside a glass of water and a bottle of alcohol. He thrusts the cloth forward, “Use this so it doesn’t get in his eyes.” Soobin accepts the towel and wraps it in a half halo from ear to ear on Kai’s head. “I knew it was too late to let you go. I knew someone would find you,” Taehyun mumbles more to himself than anyone else, his collected composure collapsing, “I should have monitored the cameras more. I could’ve warned you. I could've-”

“Yah,” Taehyung’s voice is deep, carrying bass that makes Soobin’s shoulders curl in submission, “There’s no point in wallowing over what you could have done. Do what you can now.”

Taehyun pauses, staring down at the glass in his hand for a moment, then nods slowly. He seems to return to his usual state of calm as he responds, “... Right. Okay. Let's clean you up.” He pours the water over the clumped mess in Kai’s hair, loosening the chunks of blood, flesh and debris caught in Kai’s shaggy locks. He works carefully, exposing a deep slash in Kai’s scalp that is thankfully no longer bleeding. Soobin can’t watch much after the initial sight, focusing more on keeping the towel flush to Kai’s head. 

“On three, okay?” Soobin hears Beomgyu ask and lifts his gaze to spot the long haired ghoul nodding. Beomgyu’s bloodied hands hold a pair of tongs that he uses to grip the wriggling stinger end. “Sorry, Junie hyung. One, two, three!”

Soobin watches in horror as Beomgyu flicks his wrists upward, dislodging the dark purple object and revealing Yeonjun’s entrails ripped apart and pulsing. Yeonjun’s screams of agony are muted by the long haired ghoul’s tattooed hand pressing down on his mouth harshly, but the ghouls flinch regardless, the sound likely multiplied in their ears. 

Soobin feels nauseous, the stench in the air magnified now that the ghoul’s innards have been exposed, and his stomach twists uncomfortably. He briefly considers the fact that he might throw up when Kai abruptly begins to jerk forward, almost causing the towel in his hands to fall. Soobin looks down to see that Taehyun has started to pour alcohol over the newly exposed wound. Kai hisses, the noise cutting through the space, and attempts to break free; Soobin’s heart compresses in a way that can’t be healthy. He knows that pain from personal experience, knows that it feels like someone is stabbing at the tender skin repeatedly, knows that it's tortuous. 

In response to his struggling, the crimson tentacles tighten significantly on Kai’s limbs and Soobin shoots Taehyung a withering glare without a second thought. “You’re going to hurt him,” he snaps at the teal haired ghoul.

“He’ll be okay,” the reply comes from Beomgyu rather than the other ghoul, “Taehyung hyung isn’t holding him tight enough to do any damage.”

The assurance only makes Soobin’s glare lighten a fraction. “Soobin-ssi, drop the towel,” Taehyun commands as Kai jostles again, reminding Soobin of the main concern he should be having right now. Soobin starts to argue until he looks down at his dongsaeng to find both of Kai’s irises are bright red, the surrounding sclera black with red veins streaking across and into the pale skin around his eyes. Instinctively Soobin releases the towel he’d been holding against Kai’s head, but he can’t get his legs to move, muscles locking in response to feeling threatened. Absently Soobin realizes that this is the first time that he has truly seen Kai as a ghoul, a human eating monster with enough strength to kill him within mere seconds. Taehyun finishes disinfecting Kai's wound, placing the empty alcohol bottle down, while warily studying the close proximity between the ghoul and Soobin. He shifts onto the balls of his feet as if preparing to fight, as if Kai might go berserk. It makes Soobin worried despite the fact that all the younger has done so far is stare at him.

The sound of something being crushed yanks Soobin's attention over to see the long haired ghoul lifting his boot and swatting off the remains of the purple stinger. Below him, Yeonjun bites onto his own fist, whimpers leaking past, and Beomgyu does his best to comfort him, whispering soft apologies as he surveys Yeonjun’s dismembered abdomen. 

“When was the last time Kai ate?” Taehyung's deep voice shatters the quiet that had fallen over the room.

“A month ago. He’s been on hunger suppressants since then.”

“He’s weak," Taehyung comments and Soobin would laugh in disbelief at the remark if he wasn't so terrified. “Are you sure it’s only been a month?”

Taehyun hesitates, “As far as I know. The last delivery we got was a month ago.”

“You,” Taehyung calls to Soobin, “what are you?”

Soobin startles at the sudden questioning, eyebrows furrowing, “What kind of question is that? I’m a human.”

Although Taehyung’s head tilts and his lips purse like he doesn’t believe Soobin, he asks a different question, “When was the last time you’ve seen him eat?”

“Uh,” Soobin blinks between Kai and Taehyung, “probably a month ago too.”

“What did he eat?”

Soobin balks, shocked by the fact that they’re discussing something so trivial at a time like this, “Who knows? Probably some takeout from the restaurant near my apartment."

Taehyung curses under his breath, shaking his head, “Of course. That explains why he could barely fight those B rated pieces of shit. How long has he been eating human food?” 

Soobin shrugs when multiple sets of eyes bore into him, “I dunno. Since we first met, I guess?” Shocked exclamations fly from the group of ghouls and Soobin’s brow twists, “I feel like I’m not understanding why this matters at all.”

“Soobin-ssi, was it?” the long haired ghoul begins and Soobin nods, “Human food is... Let’s just say that it’s not palatable for ghouls. Most of us can’t even stomach one bite without throwing up. There are a few who train themselves to be able to chew and swallow it like a human would. If they are able to swallow it, they likely throw it up because their bodies can’t actually process it. But if they swallow it and somehow manage to keep it down, like Kai probably did, then it can make them extremely weak.” Soobin watches as the ghoul nervously looks down at Kai. “And if they do it repeatedly, they temporarily lose the ability to summon and control their kagune.” 

Soobin wonders aloud, “Why would he do that if he knew it would hurt him in the end?”

“Unlike ghouls, humans eat together as a social activity. I’m sure you ate together almost every time you hung out, didn’t you?” Soobin hums in response, a small, feeble noise. “He likely ate with you as a way to bond. He cared more about being with you than his own health.” There’s a short pause and then the long hair ghoul adds, “But don’t think this is your fault. He’s the one who actively chose to eat human food; you weren’t aware of the effects.”

“So... what you’re saying is he can’t fight with his kagune anymore?” Soobin breathes after a beat, “Big deal-”

“Yeah, a big fucking deal considering the line of work these guys are in,” Taehyung counters, narrowed eyes falling on Soobin, “If Kai can’t produce his kagune, then everyone focuses on protecting him instead of finishing their mission. It’s exactly what happened today, it’s exactly why Yeonjun got someone’s kagune launched into his gut, it’s exactly why Kai split his damn head open. He’s as useless and vulnerable as you are right now.”

“Taehyung,” the long haired ghoul huffs in exasperation.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung fires back pointedly.

“You didn’t have to add that last part!”

“He was being a brat!”

“He was asking a question!”

As the two older ghouls bicker between each other, Soobin catches Taehyun and Beomgyu sharing a worried look. As much as Soobin would like to believe that he is not useless, he thinks about just how little help his presence actually offered today. If the other ghouls hadn't been here, Kai would have bled out and Yeonjun would’ve been killed by whatever that thing was lodged inside of him. All because Soobin didn’t know anything about ghouls at all, all because he hadn’t known the information would be of use to him in the future. If Kai hadn’t been scared to tell Soobin that he was a ghoul, he wouldn't have forced himself to eat the food that Soobin often bought him and he would be able to use his kagune freely. Maybe today would have been different.

“Well, if it’s that much a problem, how do we fix it then?” Soobin demands, trying to push away the guilt that swarms him, “Isn’t that shot supposed to help him?”

“It’s a booster shot so it might last a few hours. What he actually needs is food,” Beomgyu shoots Soobin an apologetic expression, “Ghoul food. It would help clear out whatever human food is left and give his body some nutrients to begin repairing. But we’re out until Yeonjun hyung’s job delivers our next ration. And we probably won’t have the full amount necessary for fast recovery-”

The long haired ghoul - Jeongguk, Soobin assumes - says, turning back towards Taehyun and Beomgyu, “We hunted a few days ago.” Soobin tries not to imagine what that looked like. “We can lend some from our own supply.”

Before the younger ghouls can protest, Taehyung raises a hand, “We're offering because we have the means to do so. Just accept it." Taehyun nods slowly, clearly not pleased but unable to deny the help. "We should have enough for Yeonjun to eat as well."

When Soobin glances down at Yeonjun, he finds the ghoul’s eyes closed, breathing slow and steady, and thinks he might be sleeping. Beomgyu rises to his feet, bowing deeply at the two ghouls, "Thank you, hyungs."

Jeongguk smiles warmly, reaching forward to pat Beomgyu’s shoulder, "No problem. You guys are our favorite dongsaengs after all."

"Do you have any restraints for him? I doubt he's strong enough to do any damage, but considering the," Taehyung sneers in Soobin's direction, " _human_ here, you might want to go ahead and tie him up."

Taehyun rises to his feet, nodding, "We can take him to the basement."

"Basement?" Soobin repeats. He hadn't heard about the basement since he had been removed from it. The mere mention makes goosebumps break over his skin.

No one pays him any attention though. Taehyun leads Taehyung, who lifts Kai off the ground using the tentacles from his kagune, to the basement. Meanwhile Beomgyu consults Jeongguk, "You said you've been hit with this kind of kagune before, right? How long did it take for you to heal?"

Jeongguk considers the question for a moment, "Well, I didn't get as injured as Yeonjun, but about two days. He'll probably have to take off of work."

"Mm," Beomgyu deflates at the news, "How long do you think until Kai will have his kagune back?"

"If he's been eating human food regularly up until a month ago," Jeongguk sucks air through his teeth, head tilting, "then I’m estimating three or so months." 

Soobin can tell by the way that Beomgyu goes pale that that's an incredibly long time. "Could he get better any faster?" Soobin inquires, staggering onto his feet, "Like is there something to speed the healing up?" Jeongguk nods. "What is it?"

"Food. He needs to eat at least one full adult," Jeongguk explains the same way a doctor would recommend eating fruits or veggies, "That should cut him down to about two months. Two full adults, though, would guarantee quick recovery; less than a month I think."

Soobin swallows the lump in his throat, realizing that if he wants Kai to get better, multiple people have to die. It’s a cruel fate. "How much does Yeonjun's job give you?" he feels dirty once the question is in the air.

"One person," Beomgyu answers, eyes dark and cloudy, "One person and we split them into four portions."

Jeongguk pokes his tongue into his cheek, "That won't do. Look, I'll contact Namjoon hyung; you know he's a contract hunter. He'll probably throw in a discount, especially if I tell him about the mission."

Beomgyu looks up, seeming much smaller and younger than his age, "... Thank you, hyung."

Jeongguk steps forward and envelopes Beomgyu in a tight hug, picking up on a silent cue to comfort the other ghoul, "Stop beating yourself up. You helped your friends survive today."

"Only because you were here," Beomgyu mumbles into the fabric of Jeongguk's leather jacket.

Jeongguk pulls back and gently thumps Beomgyu's forehead, "Only because _you_ stayed calm and took care of business. You did well. Your mom would be proud."

Soobin averts his gaze, feeling like he's intruding on a private moment as the two ghouls hold each other. Eventually Taehyun and Taehyung return empty handed and then the older ghouls are gone again, promising to return with 'food'.

"Hey, Soobin-ssi," Taehyun says and Soobin's eyes flicker up to meet the ghoul's soft pair, "you staying meant a lot to Kai. I'm sure it was scary, but thank you for staying." 

Soobin shifts, the knees of his jeans sticking to his skin from the dried blood that seeped through, "... I... I thought he was" - _going to die_ \- "... I didn't want him to feel alone."

Beomgyu seems to understand what Soobin really means and offers him a small smile, "You should go shower. We'll clean up here."

Soobin nods, watching as Taehyun gathers all of the empty alcohol bottles, "... Okay... Let me know when Kai wakes up." He tries to ignore the pull that Yeonjun's presence has but ultimately gives in, saying over his shoulder as he walks down the hall towards the bathroom, "... And whenever Yeonjun does too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consider this a late gift hehe  
> please leave your thoughts in the comments below bc the action is FINALLY starting >:))  
> stay safe and healthy <333


	8. paper cut

Namjoon is a hunter. The title refers to exactly what one would assume: he hunts. People are his specialty.

“But why do hunters exist?” Soobin asked the day after the failed mission. He hadn’t been able to sleep all night, tossing and turning in bed, for reasons other than his school work for once. The moment he heard the ghouls moving around, he rushed into the kitchen; they were both stone-faced and in hushed conversation. 

Thankfully they were willing to speak. "Sometimes ghouls get too old or injured to hunt. Sometimes they're wanted by the CCG and can't risk exposure. Sometimes they prefer a particular kind of meat," Taehyun attempted to clarify, fingers paused on his keyboard, "Just depends."

Soobin understood that they fell into the first category of customers. Although Jeongguk and Taehyung returned with some... food yesterday, it was only enough to expedite Yeonjun’s healing process. They gave Kai some scraps to at least make his ghoul eyes - _kakugans_ according to Beomgyu - go away. They still needed two full adults to actually improve Kai's strength and health. Jeongguk had been nice enough to place the order with Namjoon for them. However, as the two young ghouls sat with their heads in their hands, trying to calculate a budget, Soobin learned that the ghoul's services weren't cheap.

"It's an expensive business. One body has a baseline cost of $200. If you want to get really specific, it's about $50 per add-on."

"Add-on?" Soobin repeated, "What do you mean?"

Taehyun seemed to carefully choose his next words, eyes flitting from his laptop screen to Soobin, "I think we should explain the different communities of ghouls that exist first. Then these add ons will make sense. I hope."

"Okay. I’m listening."

"So there's us," Beomgyu took over, producing a blank piece of copy paper from a kitchen drawer and placing it on the island, "We're a subset of ghouls who don't hunt live prey and prefer to live peacefully among humans." He drew a small circle with an arrow pointing to it, "We're mostly located in the first ward since it's the closest to the CCG headquarters, but there are a few of us throughout each ward. Got it?" Soobin nodded. "Then there's the general population of ghouls who hunt live prey to survive." He drew a bigger circle that easily dwarfed the first one, "Each ghoul eats about one person per month. They work with humans but don't particularly like them. These ghouls usually do service jobs that humans don't like: garbage, sewer, cleaning, stuff like that. They live everywhere. Still following?" Soobin nodded again, a little wary of just how big that population was. "The way ghouls choose to live is an individual choice unless there's some type of external pressure."

"Like a law?"

"Well, yes and no. Ghouls aren't really controlled laws in the way that humans are. They're more controlled by clans; the stronger the clan, the more control they hold. If you live in a ward with a strong clan, you'll adopt their lifestyle."

Soobin felt extremely dense as he stared down at the mess of circles and arrows on paper, "Okay so... in the first ward, the strongest clan doesn't hunt people when they're alive?"

"There isn't really a clan here because the CCG does raids often, but you're on the right track," Beomgyu assured Soobin.

"Um, okay, what even is a clan?"

The two ghouls shared a look, equally stumped until Taehyun proposed, "Think of them as a family. But, in the ghoul world, families don't always determine what clan you are a part of."

"So being blood-related doesn't matter?" Soobin wondered, struggling to decipher the dynamic. 

Beomgyu shook his head, quickly clearing up the misunderstanding, "It does sometimes. It's just not the only way you can be in a clan."

"For example," Taehyun began when Soobin continued to blankly stare at the ghouls, "I was in the Kang Clan because I was the youngest son of the head of the clan. But we had several clan members that were loyal to us to ensure they had hunting grounds in the third ward."

"Right. Yeonjun hyung and Taehyunie had a mix, but my clan was completely blood-related and so was Kai's. It all depends on what ward you wind up in and if your family is willing to relocate and conform," Beomgyu explained, continuing to draw many smaller circles labeling them with arrows. Soobin thought about asking what clan they are in now, but Beomgyu started speaking again, "Clans have their own business so to say. Some of them are hunters, some of them are gourmets, some are binge eaters, some are mask makers-"

Taehyun noticed Soobin's confused expression and further broke down the terms, "Gourmets are ghouls who are extremely picky eaters; they have strict criteria for the meat that they eat. They usually gather in crowds at underground restaurants and show off their meals."

"Like... like the people they eat?" Soobin went bug-eyed, "Like a showcase?"

"Yeah, they get off on it. The general population of ghouls doesn't really interact with them though. They're high society ghouls, mainly the clans with old money," Beomgyu supplied while labeling each of the circles he drew, "Binge eaters are exactly what they sound like: they eat more people than they need to survive. Their motives typically revolve around their hatred for humans. They’re not that common but, when they do show up, it’s a shit show."

"Mask makers are the ghouls who provide masks for the rest of the ghoul population," Taehyun gestured towards a line of small hooks near the kitchen doorway, "Like those."

Soobin had noticed the masks before, having seen them for the first time the day his entire life went up in smoke. He moved away from the island, approaching the masks and gently removing the one closest to him. It was surprisingly lightweight, carved out of wood, painted with red and black accents, and a sturdy elastic strap affixed on the back. Upon further inspection, Soobin realized it resembled a cat. "What are they for?"

"It protects ghouls from each other and investigators," Taehyun went back to typing on his laptop, "Concealing your face is the best thing to do when hunting or fighting. It takes away the risk that someone will recognize you during the day."

"But they're all different," Soobin noted, taking in the remaining masks.

"They're made to capture the essence of the ghoul. Some ghouls go for full-face coverings, others go for the eyes only; they can even choose to zip on masks or use elastic. It's all preference. It's usually how investigators end up naming the ghouls in the CCG database too."

“Does that mean you have names other than your real ones?” Soobin asked curiously, affixing the mask to its place on the wall.

Taehyun made a face, “None that mean anything to us.”

" _Anyways_ the point we wanted to make was that these clans all choose to hunt. And if they hire a hunter, ghouls who consider themselves gourmets may choose add-ons like a specific body build, weight, race, sex, etc," Beomgyu recapped his pen, finished with his illustrations, "So hunters charge more since they have to go out and look for those types of people."

"Did you guys ask for specifics?"

Taehyun scoffed, "Hell no; we can barely afford the base price."

"Why don't you just go to another hunter that's cheaper?" Soobin didn’t understand the point of going to Namjoon if it was going to be that expensive.

"Most hunters don't step foot in the first ward,” Taehyun refuted the option, “Besides if they found out we worked for the CCG, they definitely wouldn't take our order."

"We're more desperate than most customers," Beomgyu sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat, "We're lucky to get whatever Namjoon hands to us."

A lanky, dimpled man enters the laundromat with a large cardboard box, door jingling to announce his entry and effectively pulling Soobin out of his thoughts. Beomgyu turns away from his task of refilling the detergent dispensers to shoot the older man a smile. 

"Hi, Namjoon hyung!" Beomgyu greets the ghoul when he steps further inside, "It's nice to see you again!"

Soobin can tell from the way they bow to each other that Namjoon is not into physical contact the way Taehyung and Jeongguk are. But it's easy to see the affection and warmth ooze out of him as he returns the smile, readjusting his grip on the box, "Same here, Gyu. Want this in the back?"

Beomgyu nods, gesturing with his thumb towards the back entryway, "Yeah. Soobin-ssi, do you mind showing him to the kitchen?"

Soobin rises to his feet as Namjoon approaches, slightly disturbed by the fact that there is a ghoul, aside from Kai, that is on his height level. "Right this way," he instructs, heading down the hall towards the living area.

The short walk to the kitchen has Soobin thinking that Namjoon may be the strongest ghoul he's ever been around. His scent is as heavy as lead, settling in Soobin's lungs and making his legs unsteady. It reminds him of the air on a hot, humid day, the sun beaming down so hard that water vapor sticks to his skin and clogs his throat. He can only imagine how much stronger it would be if Namjoon's kagune was activated. The fact that he's a hunter makes plenty of sense; humans don't stand a chance against a ghoul like him.

Once they reach the kitchen, Taehyun glances up from his laptop on the island, flashing a dimpled smile of his own, "Hey, hyung. Long time no see." Soobin takes their greeting as an opportunity to put much needed space between his nose and the overwhelming scent of the powerful ghoul.

"I know. I would come to the first ward more often if there weren't so many doves everywhere." 

Soobin remembers Beomgyu having used the term the week before. He Googled it that night, surprised to find that the younger ghoul wasn't talking about birds themselves, but the special investigators from the CCG. The nickname refers to the seal on the investigators' outfits. "Are you afraid of them?" Soobin can't imagine any reason the ghoul would be.

Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head, "Not really. They're just bothersome. Especially if I'm hunting for a delivery." Soobin nods, though he doesn't really get it. Namjoon turns back to Taehyun, "How's that laptop doing? Any issues?"

"No, it's been running great since you fixed it. You really are a genius."

"I'm just happy to help," Namjoon smiles, all teeth and crescent eyes, "Can I place this down on the table?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead," Taehyun closes the lid of his laptop (for the first time ever as far as Soobin is concerned), "How have you been?"

"The weather's nice enough for me to bike around town so I've been feeling alive lately."

"Your hair is different."

Namjoon brushes back his blonde bangs with a sheepish expression, "Taehyung." Soobin blinks at the lack of explanation, but Namjoon's already moving on. "I see you guys have a new roommate."

"Oh, right, I forgot," Taehyun introduces the two by gesturing with his hands, "Soobin-ssi, meet Namjoon hyung. He's Taehyung hyung's older brother. Namjoon hyung, meet Soobin-ssi. He goes to school with Kai."

Namjoon offers his hand to shake and Soobin accepts it, holding his breath momentarily. "Well, here's the delivery,” Namjoon steps back from the table until he's leaning against the wall near the doorway, “Jeonggukkie told me it was a pretty rough scuffle. The fifth ward has always been vicious. Hope this helps."

Taehyun frowns, expression clouding over with something dark, "Yeah, I remember... Yeonjun hyung reported the incident to his supervisors. They said they're sending a few higher-level officers to investigate this time." Namjoon hums in response. "Anyways, this will definitely help. Kai won't be too happy about the source, but he needs to eat," Taehyun approaches the box, ripping past the tape.

"So, Soobin-ssi, what are you studying?" Namjoon asks, arms loosely crossed in front.

"Creative graphic design."

"Wow, that's a first. What are you planning on doing careerwise?"

Soobin considers the question, realizing that it’s something he hasn't thought much about since his imprisonment, then settles for the answer that gives him the least anxiety, "Um, something that can pay the bills hopefully."

"That's a good mindset," Namjoon approves with a stern nod, "Most ghouls in school are dead set on a career. It's pretty heartbreaking whenever they fall through."

"Do you go to school?" Namjoon looks older than Soobin, but not by much. "Or did you?"

Namjoon shakes his head dismissively, "Too boring."

Taehyun snorts, "His IQ is 148." When Soobin doesn't react, Taehyun adds, "The average population usually ranks at, like, 90."

Soobin gapes at the older ghoul who rubs at the back of his neck, "It's just a number-"

"That millions of people use to rank smartness," Taehyun deadpans, digging into the box and removing a tightly wrapped brown paper package. 

"Smartness is subjective," Namjoon mutters and Soobin would reply but he's too busy releasing a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. 

This entire week, he had pictured the delivery as a box full of sawed-off body parts and dripping with blood. Instead, it is full of neatly folded uniform-looking packages that Soobin can pretend are from a butcher. Not the ghoul hunter standing a few feet away from him.

Taehyun starts to pull at the string tying one of the packages then looks up, as if something just struck him, "Soobin-ssi, you don't have to stay in here. You can go back to the front."

Namjoon pouts, "We were _talking_."

"You both can go back to the front then," Taehyun offers, "I'm not sure if this is something you'd like to see."

Soobin is at a loss for words, having gotten used to having no say about the things he's been exposed to at this point. Namjoon's brow furrows then his mouth pops into an 'o' of recognition, "This is your first time watching someone break down a body part? Oh, no worries! We can-"

"It's fine. I'll stay," Soobin blurts, embarrassed by both of the ghouls' concerns, "It doesn't matter either way; I can't look at that kind of stuff. It makes me queasy."

The admission earns him a sympathetic expression from Namjoon, "You're not the only one. A lot of ghouls haven't broken down their own meals before."

Soobin feels the need to clarify, "I'm not a-"

"It's okay, I don't judge. I know it's hard to watch. But you can't depend on others to break down your food every time. You should learn on at least one limb."

The sound of a bone splintering makes Soobin cringe, physically recoiling from the disturbing noise. Through gritted teeth, he finishes his sentence from before, "I think you may have misunderstood. I'm not a ghoul." Namjoon's brows furrow, horizontal lines appearing in the middle. "I'm just..." - _trapped here_ \- "... staying with these guys for..." - _ever_ \- "... some time."

"Soobin-ssi, can you grab me a knife from the drawer over there?" Taehyun juts his chin towards the corner of the kitchen. His shoulders are lifted and tense; Soobin assumes the body part he is working on must be difficult to tear apart.

Soobin follows his directions, pulling the handle of the drawer closest to the wall and trying not to be shocked by the overflowing drawer of knives, "Um... Is there a specific kind that you would like?”

“Anything that isn’t a cleaver works.”

Soobin skims over his choices then selects a thinner knife, gripping the blade so that the handle will face the younger ghoul. He closes the drawer and walks to Taehyun’s side, keeping his eyes high above the ghoul’s hands, “Here you go.”

Taehyun mumbles thanks, turning around so quickly that he knocks into the handle of the knife. Soobin can’t help the small, surprised yelp that escapes him, releasing the blade when the tip pierces his skin. “Shit, my bad,” Taehyun hurriedly apologizes, eyes blown wide, “Are you okay?” He alternates between studying Soobin’s hand and the doorway, “Do I need to get Beomgyu?” 

Soobin shakes his head instantly, despite the burn in his fingertip, “No, no, it’s,” he dares to take a quick peek, “just a nick.”

"That’s deeper than a nick. Namjoon hyung, can you-"

“-Don't! ’m okay. Little marks like this heal pretty quick for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You can finish whatever it is you’re doing."

Taehyun scoops down to pick up the fallen knife, whispering another apology, “Okay, sorry." But then he stiffens, entire body freezing in a crouch, and suddenly Namjoon snatches Soobin behind him, using his body as a shield. 

"W-what are you-" Soobin tries to sound angry and demanding, though his voice is shaking.

Namjoon easily overpowers his volume with a question of his own, "You hear him too?”

“Yeah,” Taehyun nods, quick bobs of his head.

“Where is he?”

“The basement.”

“Is there any way out?”

“Only if he breaks out of the chains,” Taehyun answers, gaze focused straight ahead in a way that makes Soobin nauseous with worry.

“How likely is that?”

“Considering how long since his last meal, unlikely. But, after smelling that, he might be strong enough to make it to the stairs. I’m not sure.”

Namjoon curses, turning to look over his shoulder at Soobin, “Soobin-ssi, do you have bandages?"

Soobin stutters the affirmation, "Y-yes-"

"Where?"

"In th-the bathroom-"

"Go. Now. And lock yourself in there."

"W-What? W-Why?" Soobin can barely get the question out before Taehyun is racing away, box clutched in his hands, "Taehyun!?"

"He's trying to help right now," is the only explanation Namjoon gives.

“W-what?”

"You need to go patch up and wait until I say it's clear to come out. Alright?" Soobin feels like his heart is going to break free of his ribcage as Namjoon alternates between the direction Taehyun ran in and Soobin’s fearful expression, "Remember to lock the door. Wash your hands. Bandage up. And wait. You're going to move on 3..." Soobin can faintly register the sound of a door swinging open and feet pounding on stairs, "1... 2... 3! Go."

As soon as Namjoon releases Soobin from behind him, the all too familiar noise that accompanies a bodily clash fills the air. His heart jumps into his throat and lodges as the human rounds the corner, not stopping until he's completely barricaded in the bathroom. He desperately tries to stay calm, tries to remember the order of instructions given.

 _Lock door._ Check.  
 _Wash hands._ Next.

Soobin pumps more than enough soap on his hands and lathers them hurriedly, ignoring the sting in his fingers. He rinses with scalding hot water and rubs his hands against his shirt, listening to the sound of shuffling and muffled words.

 _Lock door._ Check.  
 _Wash hands._ Check.  
 _Bandage up._ Next.

Soobin squats down, tearing the cabinet doors open and beginning a quest to find some type of wound covering in the sea of medical supplies. It takes time, too much in his anxiety-riddled brain, but he spots a lone bandaid at the bottom of a half-collapsed box. He shakily applies the fabric tight as possible, cutting off circulation as a result.

 _Lock door._ Check.  
 _Wash hands._ Check.  
 _Bandage up._ Check.  
 _Wait._ Next.

And now Soobin sits, chest lifting in weak pants, back pressed against the wall as he stares at the medical supplies in front of him.

_What the fuck just happened?_

Soobin does a play-by-play, retracing his steps.

  1. He told Namjoon he wasn't a ghoul.
  2. Taehyun asked for a knife.
  3. He found a knife.
  4. He handed the knife to Taehyun, but got cut.
  5. He was bleeding.
  6. Namjoon grabbed him.
  7. Taehyun said like he heard something.
  8. Namjoon asked about someone.
  9. Something below the floor sounded like it was breaking.
  10. Namjoon told him to-



Wait.

Was that the basement?

Did something happen to Kai in the basement?

A loud crash outside the door makes Soobin flinch and curl his knees into his chest. 

"Hyung?!" Beomgyu's voice comes shrill, panicked, "Hyun-ah?! Where are you?!"

"Downstairs!" Soobin can't tell who informs the ghoul.

Beomgyu's hurried footsteps are the last sound Soobin hears for a long while. 

In the silence, Soobin realizes that Kai smelled his blood. 

Something happened to Kai because of the smell of his blood. 

It was only a small injury, almost equivalent to a paper cut, but it somehow affected his dongsaeng. Soobin isn't sure when he started to hold his breath but, by the time a gentle knock comes on the door, he's gone lightheaded.

"Soobin-ssi," Namjoon calls through the door, "Are you done?"

It takes a few moments for Soobin to find his voice, "... Y-yes."

"You can come out now."

On shaky knees, Soobin carefully unlocks the bathroom door and uses the knob to pull himself onto his feet. He tentatively cracks the door open to find Namjoon with his hair disheveled and no one else in sight. "Where is everyone?" he whispers.

"Downstairs, in the basement," Namjoon answers, then supplies when Soobin doesn’t speak, "Everything is fine. Kai is eating." The human’s shoulders drop, a cocktail of worry and relief mixing in his stomach. "Soobin-ssi, I know this isn't the best time, but do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Um... No, no,” Soobin shakes his head, still hiding behind the wooden frame, “Go ahead."

"Where is your family from?"

Soobin eyes are glazed when he responds, "I'm honestly not sure... I grew up in Ansan. Maybe there?"

"Ansan. On the edge of the first ward?"

"Yes."

Namjoon makes this noise, something between delight and pity, "Thank you for sharing that with me." Soobin doesn't see why that information is worth a thanks, but he just hums in acknowledgment. Then Namjoon poses another question, "This may sound kind of weird, but have you ever felt things other people couldn't?"

The question makes Soobin frown, no longer studying the floor, but Namjoon's sincere expression instead, "... Felt things?"

"Yeah, like,” Namjoon pauses, contemplating his words, “like, a pull towards places or people?"

"No. Not feel. I don't feel anything more than the next person."

"What about any of your other senses? Sight? Hearing?"

Although the question is oddly specific, Soobin offers the only information he has, "I mean, people say I have a sensitive nose."

Namjoon perks up, "Sensitive? How so?"

"Um, I get headaches if something smells too strong. And I hate the way certain foods smell; it makes my whole body sick sometimes."

"Headaches?" the ghoul echoes, "What do they feel like?"

Soobin is pretty sure that the man has experienced at least one at some point, but once again answers Namjoon’s question, "Kinda like someone’s pressing on my brain right between my eyes. Nothing really makes them go away except for medicine."

At that, Namjoon seems to deflate, "Like Advil?"

"Yes- well, I get a prescription for painkillers, but basically Advil."

“Oh wow, are the headaches that bad?”

“They’re debilitating. But I don’t get them that often and the meds work pretty quick so I don’t mind.”

“Do you remember the name of the prescription?”

Soobin shakes his head after a moment of thought, “No. I’d have to get it from my room.”

“No worries,” Namjoon says, then asks yet another question, "If your nose is as sensitive as people say, does that mean you can smell something that other people can’t?"

"I mean I can guess a lot of food just by its smell. And I can tell if someone I know is nearby... And how powerful ghouls are," Soobin admits quietly, hand gripping the doorknob tighter.

Namjoon's eyes dazzle, “Really? What about me? Can you smell how powerful I am?” 

“Yeah,” Soobin nods, adding matter of fact like, "You're the strongest one here."

"Can you tell when someone smells like a human or a ghoul?" 

"If we’re not in a large crowd, I can. But it all depends on the setting.”

"Fascinating,” Namjoon breathes and Soobin thinks he actually believes that, “Earlier you said that small cuts heal fast for you. Has it been like that since you were a kid?"

"Um, yeah, I think so. But now... Now it takes longer. I'm not sure why. Maybe I've gotten older and my body is less resilient? I dunno."

Namjoon opens his mouth to speak again when Soobin catches a glimpse of movement behind him. "Joon hyung?" Yeonjun breaks the quiet with the older ghoul's name.

Namjoon turns around, flashing a half-smile at Yeonjun, "Junie! Hey! I thought you were at work."

"Lunchtime," he explains then glances to the crack that Soobin peers out of, "Is everything alright?"

"Ah, well, yes and no. I delivered Kai's order and Taehyun was breaking the body down when Soobin-ssi here cut himself. Kai went a little rogue from the smell." Yeonjun's brow lowers, eyes narrowing into a glare as he hones onto Soobin. "But he's eating right now and the others are making sure he doesn't choke on any bones."

"They couldn't break the meat down?"

Namjoon shakes his head, "There wasn't enough time; he'd been starved too long to actually calm down without eating."

Even in his half-panicked state, Soobin can smell the way Yeonjun's scent flares, "I see."

"Junie, do you mind if we talk?" Namjoon intervenes before any more words leave Yeonjun's mouth. "Privately." Yeonjun doesn't look pleased with his scolding being postponed but ultimately agrees. "Soobin-ssi, you can come out any time you're ready. Just stay away from the basement door." Namjoon then heads into what Soobin has come to call his room with Yeonjun following close behind.

When the door shuts Soobin realizes that he has no clue where the basement door is. He decides to stay in the bathroom, sliding back down the wall and thinking about how he always seems to find a way to hurt the people he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha, so that was lot :) feel free to unpack your thoughts in the comments! thank you as always for supporting this work and my writing 🥺 💕 
> 
> I hope that you have been well and warm! don't forget to wear a mask and take care of yourself!! <33


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